Too Reluctant to Reach Out: Receiving Social Support is More Positive Than Expressers Expect

Receiving social support is critical for wellbeing, but concerns about a recipient’s reaction couldmake people reluctant to express it. Our studies indicate that people’s expectations about how their support will be received predict their likelihood of expressing it (Study 1, N = 100 online adults), but these expectations are systematically miscalibrated. Participants who sent messages of support to others they knew (Study 2, N = 120 students), or who expressed support to a new acquaintance in person (Study 3, N = 50 adult pairs), consistently underestimated how positively their recipients would respond. A systematic perspective gap between expressers and recipients may explain miscalibrated expectations, such that expressers focus on how competent their support seems while recipients focus on the warmth it conveys (Study 4, N = 300 adults). Miscalibrated concerns about how to express support most competently may make people overly reluctant to reach out to someone in need.