I Suppress Your Emotions to Avoid Conflict but Listen to Them to Bond with You: A Daily Diary Study of Goals and Strategies to Regulate Others’ Emotions

Research on emotion regulation has mainly focused on how we regulate our own emotions, only recently broadening to a focus on how we regulate others’ emotions. Although emotion regulation is fundamentally goal-driven, little is known about how regulation goals shape strategy use when we regulate others’ emotions. The present study addressed this gap using a daily diary design. Participants (N = 190) completed up to five daily diary surveys (794 entries) assessing four strategies (expressive suppression, distraction, cognitive reappraisal, receptive listening) and five goals (pro-hedonic, performance, bonding, avoiding conflict, and impression management) for regulating others’ emotions. Results showed significant within-person associations. Pro-hedonic goals were associated with greater use of all four strategies, whereas performance goals were associated with greater use of expressive suppression, distraction, and reappraisal. In addition, the two relational goals showed divergent effects: relational bonding goals were associated with greater receptive listening, while avoiding conflict goals were associated with less receptive listening and greater expressive suppression. Impression management goals were also associated with less receptive listening. Similar patterns were observed at the between-person level. These findings revealed similarities and distinctions from patterns previously observed in why and how people regulate their own emotions. The study provided a foundation for understanding why people choose particular strategies to regulate others’ emotions in daily life.