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These athletes attempt to push beyond unknown human limits by running for many hours at a time, often multiple times a week across mountains and trails. While research has begun to consider how injury impacts these athletes, less is known about their subjective embodied experiences. In particular, the discourses they resist and submit to when they are suddenly unable to run. This study describes the use of body-mapping and narrative interviewing as two forms of research inquiry merged to explore the embodied experiences of eight ultra-runners who had recently experienced an injury. Plot lines were woven through the visual and textual material resulting in three master plots and eight sub plots. Stories of Body Self-transformation, Machina Carnis or the body-as-machine and senescence or the ageing body were layered by emplacing images and text onto life sized body maps creating vibrant art works. These art works were analysed alongside detailed narratives of endurance, strength, determination and loss. Through the art works participants were able to make visible the invisible, with the injury experience providing a window into former ways of being and current experiences of liminality and fear. This study provides insight into the shifting subjectivities of these extreme athletes brought about by pain and injury and highlights the importance of using power leveling and emancipatory arts-based research methods in accessing subjective experience. Ultra-running endurance running embodiment body-mapping running injury Figures Figure 1 Figure 2 Figure 3 Figure 4 Figure 5 Figure 6 Figure 7 Figure 8 Figure 9 Figure 10 Figure 11 Figure 12 Figure 13 Figure 14 INTRODUCTION Bodies are extraordinary in their strength and fragility. They are a never-ending project that can be worked on, rendering them as malleable entities to be shaped and honed by the vigilance and hard work of their owners (Shilling, 2012 ). Athletic bodies in particular are often experienced as machines to be manipulated, enhanced and transformed (Mills & Dennison, 2018). In the sport of long-distance running, the endurance discourse produces bodies that are disciplined through hard work and unquestioned social norms (Hanold, 2010 ). Experiences of pain are normalised and at times perceived as a badge of honour with culturally inscribed symbolic value (Bale, 2004). For these runners, bodies exist to be pushed to and beyond their limits (Crust et al, 2010 ). As an ultra-runner Billy Yang is also a filmmaker who has interviewed dozens of the worlds most accomplished ultra-runners. “When it’s your time, do you want to leave a well-preserved body, or do you really want to use it? A body with stories that says you’ve pushed it, and at times suffered, and you sought its potential.” Billy Yang, Ultra-Runner and Filmmaker. Ultra-running involves running distances over 50km, longer than a marathon and often on single trails across mountainous regions. For these runners, endurance and ‘digging in’ is valued over performance (Hockey & Allen Collinson in Bridel et al, 2016 ). As a sport which has seen participation rates increase by 345% in the past ten years, studies show that in general participants have never been older and pace has never been slower (Run Repeat, 2022). What draws these athletes to the sport is less about speed and finish times, and more about the perceived emotional and spiritual growth that occurs through enduring levels of discomfort (Holt et al, 2014 ; Simpson et al, 2014 ). For injury free ultra-runners, their body is experienced as indelible and unproblematic (Gadow, 1982 ). The body fades to the background (Leder, 1990 ), projected outwards through its place of standing allowing transcendence towards a meditative state achieved through elemental haptics , involving kinaesthesia, proprioception and balance (Allen-Collinson & Leledaki, 2015). An experience also known as ‘flow’ (Csikszentmihalyi, 1990 ), where the experience of space and time is lost or distorted. In this state, ultra-runners describe profound states of spirituality and peace leading to the attainment of a sense of unity with the outdoor environment (Simpson et al, 2014 ). This experience of unity has also been described in a mind-body sense, with runners stating that being in ‘the zone’ or flow feels like they are at one with their body (Jackman et al, 2021 ). This meshing of the mind and body creates a consciousness that allows the senses to open up to their surroundings through running. Through motion, the body is experientially in touch with the world in an operational capacity (Koski, 2015 ). This contrasts with discursive constructions of space discussed by Lefebvre ( 1991 ) which involves a type of cognitive engagement with space and surroundings. These cognitive constructions result in ultra-running spaces being perceived as a challenge for both the mind and body to overcome (Hanold in Bridel et al, 2016 ). This serves to further separate the mind from the body, enabling the dualistic notion of ‘mind over body’ where the body is seen as something to be dominated by a tough mindset (Jaeschke et al, 2016 ). This privileging of the mind over the body is deeply ingrained in Western culture, with Descartes’ philosophy dictating that the mind-self should seek to control its body-property (Ellingson, 2017 ). Discursive constructions reinforce the endurance discourse and the concept of ‘digging in’ (Hockey & Allen Collinson in Bridel et al, 2016 ). Alternatively, according to Merleau-Ponty consciousness contains the bodily experiences of the world, and as such is not just a thinking activity (Koski, 2015 ). The current research and associated findings align with an embodied consciousness, and an experience of corporeal being-in-the-world for ultra-runners. The failing body The arresting and jarring experience of injury causes a dramatic shift in subjectivity. The body is brought to the foreground (Leder, 1990 ) causing the runner’s social world to be altered. Previous states of flow and embodied awareness are brought to a halt, as consciousness snaps back to the body causing an immediate search for meaning. Assuming that bodies are constituted within the specific nexus of culture (Foucault, 1994; Butler, 1989 ), the injury experience is filtered through discourses. Research suggests that dominant discourses of endurance and normalisation of pain lead injured runners to resist medical discourse by opting to take charge of their own recovery (Russel and Weise-Bjornstal, 2015; Hockey, 2005 ), or to question medical advice and turn to their running colleagues for support (Philippe et al, 2016 ). According to Lev (2019), how distance runners respond to bodily pain and distress is grounded and negotiated in shared interactional practices as part of the running social world. This suggests that the power of specific ultra-running discourses may be difficult to resist, especially during times of perceived vulnerability and liminality such as injury. Docility is a complex phenomenon in the world of sport. The overly compliant docile ‘running’ body conforms to the discourses and expectations of their lived space. This strengthens bonds between endurance runners contributing to a sense of belonging and camaraderie (Bale, 2006 ). This socially constructed running identity risks being challenged when the runner experiences an injury (Hockey, 2005 ). As such, ultra-runners may lean into established and familiar discourses to manage the discomfort of uncertainty and liminality. Through injury, the body is experienced as unfamiliar, alien and unhomelike (Svenaeus, 2015 ). In his study with injured runners, Lev discovered that experiences of first-person alienation cause them to automatically resist the injured body part causing pain describing themselves as subjects experiencing pain and their pain as an object (Lev, 2020 ). Externalising parts of the body in this way further reinforces mind body dualisms and ‘the body as a machine’ metaphor (Black, 2014 ). This is a useful metaphor for injured ultra-runners as machines don’t feel pain (Bale, 2006 ). Regarding ultra-runners specifically, whether injury provides opportunities to resist dominant discourses is largely unknown. What we do know, is that athletes are always interacting with and shaping their running space in nuanced ways (Jones et al, 2022 ). While research about the experiences of injured ultra-runners is still in its infancy (Hall & Rhodes, 2022), even less is known about the corporeal experiences of these athletes, and the extent to which injury shifts or alters their experience of their body. To understand this, research needs to acknowledge the socio-cultural frame of their experiences while also adopting research methods that can enable an exploration of the multiple layers of meaning and affective embodied experience. The body in pain The social environment has a powerful impact on the body in pain (Lev, 2020 ). Research suggests that pain in a sporting context is different to pain encountered in everyday life and has a different ontology (Lurie in Loland et al (Ed), 2006). This suggests that ultra-runners’ experiences of pain cannot be understood within normative non-running cultural paradigms, dominated by bio-medical conceptualisations of pain and suffering. Instead, their subjective experience of felt pain is filtered through dominant discourses of endurance, normalisation of pain, and an internalised medical discourse based on personal experience (Hall & Rhodes, 2022). Pain has an immediacy that pushes inwards, directing attention to the body part in pain, entailing a retreat of the runner into their body (Green, 2011 ). As in the case of injury, research suggests that embodied awareness becomes split into a familiar mind body dualism in an attempt to regain a sense of agency and control over the failing body. What ensues is an iterative process which results in physical adaptations until meaning can be put to the pain experience (Phillipe et al, 2016). Meaning however is influenced by culture and discourse. While the idea of culture shapes the meaning that is attributed to pain, it also impacts the way an athlete responds (Bendelow &Williams, 1995 ), meaning that cultural norms and expectations are often adhered to in order to reinforce the athlete’s membership to the running community. The body-in-pain experience is also dominated by another dualism; injury related pain versus non-injury related pain (Bale in Loland et al (Ed), 2006). Research suggests that for ultra-runners experiencing pain, this thought process tends to dominate the iterative search for meaning (Hall & Rhodes, 2022), as ultra-runners state that they will only stop running if they think (through cognitive appraisal) that they are injured and risk further injury if they continue running (Phillipe et al, 2016; Heil, 2012 ; Deroche et al, 2011). This is consistent with Kotarba’s ( 1983 ) research on chronic pain demonstrating that pain is calculated as a matter of profit and loss. This preoccupation with making sense of pain through an iterative cognitive appraisal process means that experienced athletes develop a nuanced knowledge of pain and a heighted sensitivity and awareness to uncomfortable and painful bodily experiences (Lev, 2019; McNarry et al, 2020 ). However, it also suggests that these athletes revert to a dualistic disembodiment of mind-over-matter to overcome and manage the uncomfortable experience. Similarly, in their work with professional dancers, Ravn and Christensen (2014) suggest that for these athletes their body is always the subject of experience, even in the absence of pain, as they assess what ‘feels right’ in order to perform their dance. As such, it has been suggested that rather than thinking of the body as absent, the body should be thought of as transparent to experience for expert movers (Legrand, 2007 ). Consistent with these findings and as Leder ( 1990 ) would suggest, in the sporting world of expert movers body disappearance is not a silent one (Ravn & Christensen, 2014). Similarly in her research with joggers, Zeiler ( 2010 ) refers to a pre-reflective bodily awareness that means the body is always the thematic object of experience. When injured, the hurt body part disrupts intentionality and the joggers ‘mind-body-world relation’ (Zeiler, 2010 p. 336). The other aspect of pain in this context is the public dimension (Scott et al, 2017 ), which serves to enhance a sense of belonging to the running community through obtaining social recognition (Atkinson, 2008 ). Part of this performative element of the pain experience results in significant resources being directed towards narrating the experience (Scott et al, 2017 ), creating and (re)telling stories of strength and suffering. Research suggests that injured endurance runners will often instrumentalize their pain to gain social recognition and to reaffirming their running identity (Lev, 2020 ; Hockey, 2005 ). While these performative stories of injury and pain provide some reassurance to the athlete and their membership to the ultra-running community, they are filtered through a discourse of heroism and toughness (Jaeschke et al, 2016 ; Finn, 2019 ). The notion of positive pain (Howe, 2004 ) and good pain (Hanold, 2010 ) has also been described among endurance athletes. In their research with competitive swimmers, McNarry et al ( 2020 ) suggest that these positive experiences of pain are related to the experiential knowledge that the athlete develops over time about their body, to formulate an understanding of what good pain is. They state that good pain and discomfort are perceived as by-products of training and performance (McNarry et al, 2020 ), reinforcing relevant cultural discourses relating to sport and performance. Given the cultural differences that are likely to exist between performance swimmers and ultra-runners, it is not known whether these athletes share a similar experience of good or positive pain. While research provides some insight into aspects of the endurance runners experiences of pain and injury, research that seeks to understand the affective and embodied experiences of pain is needed, especially for ultra-runners. This study seeks to address gaps in the literature by asking injured ultra-runners to represent their embodied experiences of injury through body mapping. In doing so, we adopted a cultural phenomenological approach (Csordas, 2002 ), considering the embodied experiences of injured ultra-runners and the ways in which these experiences are culturally shaped and mediated through various discourses. The specific aims of the study were to understand what socio-cultural discourses are resisted and reinforced through ultra-runners’ experiences of pain and injury, to identify difficult and/or hidden experiences that are revealed by pain and injury, and to understand how injury contributes to new ways of being for the ultra-runner. METHODS Participants We used purposive sampling techniques to recruit eight runners through social media running groups, and through posts on the pages of online community running groups explaining the purpose and procedures of the study. We recruited five women and three men, with an age range of 37–57 years. All currently reside in Sydney, ranging from the Blue Mountains to the Northern Beaches, with five runners stating that they moved to Australia from their native country of England several years ago. All of the runners had competed in several ultra-marathons, from 50km to 240km. See Table 1 for a detailed description. At the time of the interviews, all the runners had sustained a recent injury, with two runners unable to run at all, five slowly returning post-injury and one only able to walk and hike. Table 1 Ultra-Runners Characteristics Name Age Location Number of Ultra Running Events Longest event Recent Injury Type Current Running Status Naomi 42 Western Sydney 3 50km (Ultra Trail Australia) Fibroid on uterus None Lauren 37 Sydney Northern Beaches 4 223km (Larapinta Trail) Hip stress fracture Slowly returning Craig 55 North West Sydney 5 100km (Ultra Trail Australia) Hamstring tendinopathy Slowly returning Lisa 42 Blue Mountains 3 100km (Ultra Train Australia) Iliotibial band syndrome (ITB) Slowly returning Rick 57 North West Sydney 76 240km (Coast to Kosci) Snapped rotator cuff and herniated bicep None James 50 Blue Mountains 4 100km (Ultra Trail Australia) Torn meniscus, knee Slowly returning Chantelle 50 South West Sydney 1 50km (Stromlo Canberra) Patellar Tendinopathy Walking only Kelly 46 North West Sydney 2 50km (Ultra Trail Australia) Fractured sacrum Slowly returning *Names have been changed to protect confidentiality Ultra-running was defined as having competed in at least one 50km + event. All the runners had competed in several marathons (42.2km) as well as other long to medium distant runs. Injuries ranged from direct running related injuries such as iliotibial band syndrome and meniscus tears, to non-running related injuries such as fibroids and shoulder injuries. All the runners had experienced a recent interruption to their running. Procedures The study was approved by the University of Sydney Research Ethics Committee. Participants were initially contacted via telephone after they responded to the social media post. The aims and requirements of the study were then explained. Participant information sheets were then sent via email and meetings were then arranged via email and text message. Participants were interviewed at Sydney University. They were given a full explanation about the research process including the use of audio recordings and transcriptions, how confidentiality will be managed, the risks and benefits of participating, and the right to withdraw consent or participation at any time. Following this discussion, informed written consent was obtained. The interview process began with providing a more detailed discussion of the aims and purpose of the study. All of the runners enquired about the running experience of the first author. A brief exchange occurred where the first author explained her own running and ultra-running background. By the first author purposefully sharing her own vulnerability, a non-judgemental and safe space was created opening up meaningful and ‘power leveling’ interactions (Packard, 2008 ). After this exchange, it was noticed that all of the participants appeared to relax into their own storytelling. The goal of the first author during the interview process was to engage in a conversational process, creating a dialogic intersection and interaction between two worlds (Gadamer, 1975 ). This give and take process required openness and flexibility (Vandermause & Fleming, 2011 ). As such the interview was a co-creation of meaning, and loosely followed several prompting questions; Tell me about your running history? When and why did you start running? What do you enjoy about running? What does running mean to you? Tell me about your injury? How has your injury impacted you? Has it impacted how you feel about your body? What have you noticed about your body since being injured? What is your experience of pain? (injury and non-injury related) What is it like to be unable to run? The interviews were intentionally conducted immediately before the body mapping process, to position the participant within their injury story. Positioning the narrative first, enabled the story to elicit the artwork representing a shift from more traditional arts-based research where the art works are used to elicit the narrative. The latter, privileging the verbal narrative material. Body Mapping Methods Traditional qualitative research methods rely on surveys or interviews, operating under the assumption that lived experience can be adequately represented through language and narrative. However, these methods are unable to capture lived experiences that either sit outside or are unable to be accessed through these more traditional means. Arts based research methods provide unique opportunities for power relations enacted through discursive practices to be explored and potentially resisted (Boydell, 2021 ). In addition to discursive practices, experiences of injury and pain often cannot be expressed in words. Hence, in some cases these experiences can affect the ability to communicate (Zeiler, 2010 ). Physical pain does not simply resist language, it destroys it (Scarry, 1985 ). As such, body mapping is a useful tool to understand the impact of pain and injury on ultra-runners’ embodiment. The body mapping interviews were conducted by the first author and guided by the protocol adapted from Gastaldo et al ( 2012 ) and Boydell ( 2021 ). The process began with a discussion around the meaning of embodiment and the process of body mapping. Participants were encouraged to visualise their injury experience and consider how they might represent this on their body map. The entire interview and mapping process lasted from two to three hours. Body Mapping Process Body mapping involves a participant tracing a life-sized outline of their body before populating the space with visual representations, symbols and words related to the experience under investigation (Gastaldo et al, 2012 ; De Jager et al, 2016 ). Participants were asked to lie on a large sheet of paper, in a position they feel comfortable. The first author then traced around their body. Six of the participants expressed surprise at ‘seeing’ the outline of their body. They were then provided with an assortment of coloured pens, crayons, pencils, paints and paint brushes, magazines, scissors and glue. Many layered their artworks, by drawing and painting over the top of images. This provided the participants with a unique level of reflexivity and multiple layers of storytelling (Boydell, 2021 ). Many of the participants required further explanation, with all of them seeking to understand the parameters and ‘rules’ of the exercise. While the first author resisted in providing rigid parameters, gentle guidance was provided by naming an experience the participant referred to in their interview and encouraging them to represent this on their body. All but one participant then managed to continue working on their map, while engaging in casual discussion with the first author. During these discussions, field notes were taken and then used to develop a key for each body map (Collings et al in Boydell, 2021 ). The field notes were also used to help the authors situate the participants stories in the present moment and context. Participants returned their body maps several days later. This provided an opportunity for the first author to answer any final questions. The interviews were then transcribed, compiled into a narrative summary and sent to the participants for member checking with the option to adjust stories that did not align with their lived experience. Visual Analysis Riessman’s (2007) approach formed the framework of the analysis of the body maps with Rose’s ( 2016 ) sites of visual analysis providing a guide for the process of analysis. Specifically, the focus of analysis was from three sites. The first looking at how the participants social circumstances brought about the production of the image, and the use of colour and positioning. The second being how the image represents different affective responses designed to persuade the audience, and the third being the subjective processes that govern how the participant and author/researcher responds to the body map (Rose, 2016 ). Analysis of the maps began with a modified version of visual content analysis (Rose, 2016 ). This involved the development of a key for each body map, utilizing the field notes captured during the mapping process. This key was transcribed into a table for each body map, describing each symbol and colour, the location on the body map and what each symbol represents from the participants own words. For each body map, we tracked between the visual key and narrative summaries, looking for embodied narrative themes using several prompts; Who are the embodied selves that the artist is representing? How do these selves relate to their injury stories? How do the images on the map give form to the artists injury and pain experience? What are the points of divergence and intersection between the body map and narrative? What do the images reveal about embodied experiences that may be hidden or difficult to access? Narrative Analysis The analysis of the narrative interview followed several stages beginning with the construction of first-person narratives. After these were member checked, the analysis involved a process of meaning condensation (Brinkman & Kvale, 2015). While coding breaks down a text into smaller units, meaning interpretation may extend the original text by adding hermeneutic layers that enable the researcher to understand meaning (p. 231). The narratives were read through several times by both authors. The first author then generated natural meaning units within the text as expressed by the participants. Next, the theme that dominated a natural meaning unit was restated by the first author. These themes were then cross checked by the second author. The first author then re-read each narrative, engaging in an iterative process of meaning condensation grounded in the philosophical hermeneutic tradition (Diekelman & Ironside, 2006). The goal of this process was to understand meaning and to make sense of experience, uncovering what it means to be as it shows up or reveals itself through the story (Vandermause & Fleming, 2011 ). Representations of Pain & Injury The participant’s told stories were positioned within an embodied framework, bringing their corporeal subjectivities to the foreground through their stories and artwork. All of the interviews followed a temporal sequence until the injury story. Once participants were asked about their injury, temporality ceased as the narrative became centred around corporeal moments of being, characterised by pain and suffering. For nearly all participants, this point of interruption was represented by points of divergence and multiple layers of meaning across narrative and visual material. We focussed on notable representations of liminality, as well as unspoken emotional processes and historical traumas revealed through the pain of injury. We were also interested in how the participants embodied subjectivities seemed to shift in response to injury and contributed to new ways of being in their social worlds. Stories of recovery and healing were also identified, alongside representations of fear and hope. The art works and verbal narratives for each participant were merged into a vivid and revealing story, with notable points of intersection and divergence. Together, the art works and verbal stories gave ‘voice’ to each other culminating in vulnerable and compelling stories of liminality, duality and existential struggle. The eight merged stories were then compared, with common images and themes identified. By combining these rich somatic stories of injury and pain, plot lines were delicately woven throughout preserving the lived experience of each artist. This meant that each story could be represented within and between these plots as an embodied whole, as opposed to pulling apart narratives and identifying themes to create a disembodied interpretation. Pseudonyms were used throughout to maintain confidentiality, and a selection of images are presented to enhance the readers engagement with the ultra-runners lived experiences of injury. The results are presented as plot lines and narrative tropes to demonstrate the fluidity of shifting subjectivities and polyphony. The master and sub-plot lines we identified are; 1. Body-self transformation a. The disciplined and lean body b. Running away from former ways of being c.Seeking to be seen and whole 2. Machina Carnis a. Corporeal betrayal b. Modern Automata makers c. Fortis Corporis 3. Senescence a. Running out of time b. Playing with death RESULTS Six of the eight participants referred to the interview and body mapping process as therapeutic. When asked further, they all explained that they had never before had the opportunity to both ‘see’ and ‘think’ about their body in this way. These comments provided early insight into how participants made sense of the research process, and that they were able to embrace what was being asked of them. Our analysis of the artworks and narratives revealed three main narrative plots, each with a number of sub-plots. We followed these plot lines through each of the merged narratives. The result was a layered analysis and rich polyphony drawing on themes representing the embodied experiences of these injured athletes. Impact of COVID-19 The interviews were conducted in 2020 and 2021. During this time, the COVID-19 Pandemic resulted in several ‘lockdowns’ with people being encouraged to stay at home. All runners indicated that their running had been impacted by COVID-19 at the time of the study with five runners having had events cancelled during the past 12 months. One runner had recently recovered from COVID-19 at the time of the interview. Three runners described their current injury in the context of over training due to postponed and cancelled events resulting from lockdowns. They explained that when an event was postponed, they would continue training, often rolling into the next event. This meant they did not rest and recover. They explained that this overtraining was a contributing factor to their injury. Two runners explained that running during lockdowns was the way they managed experiences of feeling trapped and imprisoned, and the daily stress of managing home schooling and family dynamics. Once runner explained that this led to over training on hard surfaces as she was not able to access her usual trails. Body-self Transformation Several participants spoke about running as a vehicle for self-transformation and a way of seeking different ways of being. For some this appears to be driven by a desire to run away from an unhappy life, while for others it’s about searching for something more. To be seen and to experience a different way of being after disappearing into child rearing and family sacrifice. For some participants, running is a way of achieving a fit and lean body. By objectifying their body and submitting to the disciplinary effects of running, these participants can be witnessed and endorsed by others as belonging to a subculture shaped by discourses of endurance and strength. A corporeal awakening after a period of bodily disappearance. Injury confronts this process in various ways, and brings up unwanted reflections of former selves along with fears about the future, regret at what could have been and grief about what has been lost. What results is a questioning about present selves, and a reluctance to move towards a future which feels uncertain. Through persistent chronic pain and multiple injuries, Chantel’s body map illustrates a determination and desire to be seen as strong. However, her embodied experience continues to challenge this transformation (Fig. 1 ) Within the Transformation plot, we identified three sub-plots; 1. The disciplined and lean body 2. Running away from former ways of being 3. Seeking to be seen and to be whole The disciplined and lean body Participants spoke about why they started running. For several, the lure of a fit and lean body pulls them into submitting to empowering ultra-running discourses (Hanold, 2010 ). Broadly speaking the disciplining effects of running go unquestioned because they are produced through desire (Hanold, 2010 ; Foucault, 1973 ). However, for several of the participants in this study, this is amplified by an additional desire to move away from an unfamiliar body-self that has experienced significant change and growth through weight gain and pregnancy. A vessel which has produced and reared offspring, that is now left empty and unfamiliar. According to Kelly, she started running; …to get rid of the last few kilos of baby weight… Kelly refers here to her determination to ‘rid’ herself from the burden of her former way of being. A suggestion of the transformation she is about to begin. The dissonance of becoming physically smaller to be seen and accepted appears to be born out of an awareness that the body-self is now empty and unfamiliar. The desire to be lean and fit, which is achieved through ultra-running for these participants seems to provide a transformation towards greater fulfillment and success. Creating new subjectivities and different ways of being. Lisa started running after having her children because she was “interested in getting fit”. Running transformed Lisa’s body-self from a self-proclaimed “unfit” wife and mum to a strong and fit ultra-runner who has successfully completed several ultra-marathons and at the time of injury, had been training for a 260km event. Craig’s physical transformation took several years and began after a period of weight gain while raising his children. After gaining a significant amount of weight, his weight loss journey was triggered by a photo he saw where “I didn’t recognise myself”. This jarring experience of unfamiliarity seemed to shift Craig’s awareness producing a corporeal awakening and a desire to transform his body-self. Chantel talks about her weight gain as being “pretty challenging ”. She refers to a 10kg weight gain since injury and the difficulty she is experiencing in losing weight. Chantel smiled as she explained; “I’ve lost 5 kilos in the past couple of weeks, so I can see I’m getting back into the swing of things”. Gaining weight for Chantel represented a shift back to a former self. The relief she experienced in losing weight was visible in her body language. Her smile, relaxed shoulders and playful tone of voice. The relief of swinging back towards a strong and lean body-self. (Fig. 2 ) For one participant, the desire to transform her body-self through running returns her to past experiences of emotional pain, restriction and self-loathing; “I can look in the mirror and think I’m totally overweight after not running for one day. I know this is ridiculous but that’s where my mind is sometimes”. Any pause in Kelly’s running journey confronts her with her suffering former self, manifested through body dissatisfaction and self-loathing. This experience produces her desire to keep moving away from this past pain. A fit and lean body represents Kelly’s ongoing resistance to past trauma and suffering and her transformation into a strong and resilient body-self. Running away from former ways of being Some participants described running as a way of achieving more fulfilling subjectivities. This appears to be driven by unhappiness and a desire for something more and different. Possibly the most extreme example of this is Craig. After a marriage breakdown, many years as a business owner and retired elite footballer, Craig began running and completely changed his life; “I just did the whole kahuna life change. But it wasn’t just about the running, I think it was more about…I didn’t like life, being what I was”. Ultra-running provided Craig with a purpose and a direction. It allowed him to experience an alternative way of being from “drinking beer, having too many BBQ’s and not being active enough” to someone who travels the world competing in ultra-marathons, and is a sought-after running coach. “I changed my whole life. Gave up work. Had a business for 27 years. That was 4 years ago”. The liminality caused by injury has hijacked Craig’s newly founded indelible subjectivity. His lengthy battle with multiple injuries has forced Craig to confront what he gave up, resulting in fluctuating and alternating experiences of denial, persistence and regret; To be honest, I probably gave up the business two to three years too early I think with ultra-running you’re always injured. It’s just a case of how injured are you? Naomi describes running as a way to “better myself”. Her experience of being “pretty good at this ” and of being seen by others in the running community as a competent runner has offered Naomi an alternative way of being, an internalised experience of being successful and accomplished. Naomi’s body map represents current and former ways of being. Both existing in the one body, with Naomi’s current suffering hidden underneath her performative running self (Fig. 3 a & 3 b). The confronting experience of injury, and an uncertain running future has since shifted Naomi’s subjectivity. She describes chronic anxiety, insomnia and a temporary marriage separation at a time when she felt unable to put meaning to her physical pain. Injury has injected fear and doubt into Naomi’s transformation. For one participant, his desire for transformation has its genesis in an idealised representation of a former body-self. According to James; “I’ve always been a runner, but I struggled with the discipline when I was young”. After having a family and spending years building on running longer distances, James is determined to transform into a version of his former self. “This time, I went into it [100km training] incredibly disciplined”. For James, discipline is the ingredient that he believes will transform him into a successful ultra-runner. However recurring knee injuries where “my knee just collapses under me” has threatened to collapse his hopes for an ultra-running future (Fig. 4 ). Despite this, he remains determined to progress towards his transformation; “I still want to believe. I’ve convinced myself to maintain the belief that I can do it [100km event]” Seeking to be seen and to be whole Several participants describe the sacrifices and self-lessness of raising children and managing the demands of a family. Craig refers to this as a time when; “…you can forget about your life, or your life takes a back seat. Your life goes missing for a while”. James refers to his love of the outdoors, and of multi-day treks which led him into trail running. However, he states that; “I ended up moving away from that because of the family life”. Kelly spoke about moving to Australia from England 22 years ago. Being away from her family and friends, Kelly started a family and immersed herself into motherhood. Her running journey initially began as a way of developing social connections after a period of disappearing into her family. Initially describing running as something which “really really hurt” , Kelly found that; “when I started running with people who actually just wanted to run and talk was when I really started to enjoy it”. Running offered Kelly a way of being seen and a (re)introduction to the social world post motherhood. This enabled her to transcend existing subjectivities. Transformation towards a socially connected self. After having her third baby, a personal trainer encouraged Lisa to begin her running journey. After running several ultra-marathons, she describes; “I love feeling physically strong. I love the confidence that comes with training and seeing yourself progress”. Lisa’s transformation towards strength and confidence also evolved after a period of motherhood and bodily disappearance. For Lisa, progress is suggestive of a journey, a changing body resulting in shifting subjectivities from invisibility to embodied strength. Lisa’s body map illustrates her desire to be seen, with friends and family all watching and supporting at her shoulders (Fig. 5 ). Lauren explains how she started “the serious running” after having her second child. “I ran my first marathon when he was just six months old”. What followed for Lauren was an embodied transformation interrupted by injury. Through the mirror of injury Lauren has been confronted with past traumas which threaten to unravel her body-self transformation (Fig. 6 ). Recently, her steadfast determination has begun to buckle under the weight of her past emotional pain resulting in her seeking the support of a Psychologist. Machina Carnis (Black 2014 ). The mechanistic view of the body brought about by anatomy, requires that the body be understood as a closed system that can be explained according to discrete internal subsystems. However, the body as it appears to embodied human perception is a single entity that functions as an interface with its environment and other bodies. A site of exchange and interaction (Black, 2014 ) In activities founded upon searching and surpassing one’s limits, the body becomes an alter ego. An adversary forced into submission to obtain a performance from it (Le Breton, 2000). For the ultra-running body, this takes the form of an athletic machine, a body project built to endure and surpass human-like qualities like fatigue and exhaustion. When injured, the body emerges as an alien presence, causing participants to engage in first person body alienation resisting parts of the body that are causing pain (Lev, 2020 ). In this context, the body-machine becomes a useful meaning making metaphor. This protects discursive constructions of the ultra-running self by resisting threats of vulnerability. What ensues is a project involving the gathering and selective internalisation of expert (medical) information, with the aim of rebuilding the machine. Within the Machina Carnis plot, we identified three subplots; 1. Corporeal betrayal 2. Modern Automata Makers 3. Fortis Corporis Corporeal betrayal James refers to a time pre-injury when he would submit to his body’s intentions; “When you go running, you just let your body tell you what you should be doing today”. The machine is in charge, and the mind submits to its will. However this relationship is significantly fractured when the machine fails or breaks. For Craig, first person body alienation is demonstrated by his body-machine ‘speaking’ to him when it breaks; the body just said nope, I’m not happy with you anymore and you have to pay the price The price being to stop running. The machina carnis (Black, 2014 ) stops working. While Craig demonstrates the consequences of pushing the body-machine beyond what it can do, limitations can be confronting as the hope for many participants is to push beyond them and keep going. Craig’s body map shows a clear separation between his mind and body, both represented in contrasting colours of yellow and green (Fig. 7 ). Kelly talks about what she believes is required to compete in ultra-marathons; “you need to just push beyond what you know you’re capable of and have faith in your mind and body”. When the body-machine breaks however, all faith is lost. The machine can no longer be trusted as it has made known it’s limitations. For some participants, pain signals potential limitations of the body-machine. This brings up fear and denial; “I felt absolute pain and then I was like, it’s not there. And then is just disappeared. So I kept running”. Kelly spoke about her ability to “ block it [pain] out ” denying the faltering machine, and flipping the dynamic by empowering the mind to take back control of the machine. Kelly’s body map illustrates a strong mind, built over time, allowing her to dissociate from pain altogether (Fig. 8 ). Rick’s powerful portrayal of resistance can be seen in his body map, with words and phrases all sitting outside his body. Rick experienced significant difficulty emplacing his experiences onto his body map. Stating ‘I just don’t know where to start ’. He then proceeded to talk about his pet bird explaining that ‘he can’t fly because his wing has been clipped’ . Rick then painted amber coloured circles within his body representing his worry and anxiety (Fig. 9 ). Rick speaks about “being used to pain” , and of “pain being my guide”. His relationship with pain built over many years of ultra-running. For Rick, the machine must be indelible, because as he states; “not running does my head in”. The confronting reality of a faulty machine-body is too much to bear, and so Rick’s resistance enables him to continue running. Experiencing pain as being outside of his body allows Rick to make decisions, remaining in control. Naomi’s metaphor of a mannequin visually illustrates her helplessness at the moment of injury; “In that moment I just feel helpless. Like if you were to pull a mannequin out of the clothing and the clothing just falls to the floor. I feel like that’s it. The bone structure’s gone and I just feel deflated”. Naomi refers to a sudden and dramatic shift in corporeal subjectivity, of lacking structure and of crumbling and vanishing. A stark contrast to her former way of being. What remains are the symbols of what once was, running symbols that represent Naomi’s running-self. (as seen in Fig. 3 a). James spoke about experiencing problems ‘trusting’ his body since injury; I’m really struggling with that trust element, and then I’ve got these two friends who are physio’s telling me to just stop running James refers to the liminality of being injured and the uncertainty of his running future. His distrust in his body has allowed for the opinions of others to seep into his subjective experience. Chantel chooses to surrender her body to the opinions of health professionals; “I’ve pulled out of UTA before and sold my ticket because my physio said don’t do it. And I’ve spent money to see him, it’s a trust thing”. Lisa believes that she doesn’t need to trust her body; “I don’t think I trust my body, but I don’t feel like I need to”. Lisa also states that she has a physiotherapist who “I trust and think is pretty good ”. Lisa also makes frequent references to a number of personal trainers and experts who she believes have helped her rebuild her body-self post-mothering. Corporeal surrendering, and submitting to medical discourse. After many months of intermittent knee swelling and pain, James spoke about losing trust in his body and in his ability to manage his injuries. I need to trust that that niggle that I’m feeling can be managed….but I’m really struggling with that trust element. Am I able to make this work? James is plagued by questions and uncertainty, fluctuating between his former running self and an uncertain running future (Fig. 10 ). Modern Automata Makers (Black 2014 ) While originally designed to reproduce the appearance of living things since classical Greek times, in the eighteenth century automata evolved into actual simulations created to reproduce physiology (Black, 2014 ). Automata makers found ways to replicate aspects of living creatures, generating insight into the inner workings of the human body (Black, 2014 ). Their over simplified demonstrations rested on the perception that all human functions could be mechanically represented. The implication being, that if it is a function can be replicated it can be fixed when broken. Many participants in this study identify a struggle in finding the ‘right’ professional to fix or repair their machine-body, frustrated with the limited knowledge of medical specialists. What they seek, is a modern automata maker who demonstrates an understanding of the function of the body and importantly, knows exactly how to fix it. Lisa spoke about her encounters with medical professionals; I’ve been to a range of different physio’s over the years, but I’ve got one now that I sort of trust and think is pretty good Naomi spoke about several different diagnosis given by different specialists, until she found one who promised her relief after only one week off running. “What I love about this Dr is that she’s all for the cosmetic side just as much as the surgery side. It’s keyhole surgery and the incisions are tiny”. What this means for Naomi, is a quick return to running. Craig spoke about seeing two different specialists after a suspected tear in his meniscus; I went to two specialists. One said there’s a tear in there, and the other said what tear? You have some wear and tear in there but I’ll see you in four years. Credibility is frequently questioned when the advice does not align with the participants desire to continue running; “This guy was most likely twice the weight he should be, and he told me at my age I shouldn’t be running. And I’m looking at him going man you should lose 60kg at least”. Rick was quick to find a reason not to adhere to the advice of one GP who instructed him to stop running. When Kelly was confronted by a GP who told her she should decrease her running after fracturing her sacrum in two places, she stated; no disrespect to her but she didn’t look like she did fitness and didn’t look like she was sporty. I think she was teaching herself about it as we were going through the process. Instead, Kelly chose a health professional recommended by a friend who also runs. Despite admitting the person she was seeing was “not a qualified doctor”. , she stated that “they have a lot more awareness of the physical body and how it works with running”. This particular specialist supported Kelly’s decision to continue running with her lower back pain. Some participants feel validated when the medical advice is ‘proven’ to be wrong. Rick competed in a 260km ultra-marathon just six months after reconstructive knee surgery. His surgeon told him would be “lucky to be able to run 5km”. However as Rick explained; I proved him wrong Other participants rely on internalised medical discourse to directly question medical advice. After visiting a doctor following her constant pain in her lower back, Naomi was not convinced that the diagnosis was correct; “I don’t think that was the cause of my problem.” Instead, Naomi continued running until the pain became unbearable. Then she went to see a different specialist and received another diagnosis. According to the MRI scan she had an L5 disk tear in her back. After looking at her own MRI scans, and taking note of a small fibroid on her uterus, Naomi was still distrustful. After seeing two different gynaecologists, she was finally happy with the diagnosis and solution. “I decided to go down the route of a hysterectomy. I feel like this is the answer to my problems”. Naomi’s Body Map illustrates her frustration and anger, embodied in her injury experience and existing alongside her [final] relief at obtaining what she feels is the correct diagnosis (Fig. 11 ) James spoke about two of his friends who are physiotherapists. Both have told him he shouldn’t be running due to his meniscus tears in both knees. But this physio I’m with knows there’s no point in saying that. He says I’m just going to give you the best guidance I can to allow you to give this the best shot So I do really enjoy going to this particular physio Fortis Corporis (Muller 2017 ) Many participants responded to the challenge of injury by (re)building stronger bodies than before. For some, this involved a resistance to the body-machine metaphor, or machina carnis and a fleshy corporeal experience of building strength. Fortis Corporis (Muller, 2017 ). Before beginning her body-map Lisa referred to her body as Kintsugi, the traditional Japanese art of repairing broken cracked pottery using lacquer and gold. “I feel like through injury, my body is stronger than before. Like the stretch marks I have from having my kids. They have made me stronger and my body more beautiful”. The symmetry between Lisa’s physical scars from having children and her running injury ‘scars’ reflect different subjectivities, both contributing to an embodied strength and beauty. On her body-map hidden beneath a black opaque façade are golden stars representing the sites of pain and injury (Fig. 12 ). Several participants refer to a process of rebuilding post-injury, with an embodied strength intended to transcend the limits of the body-machine. Rick, when referring to his recovery post knee reconstruction; “I built it up slowly” Through this build Rick described an iterative process of attuning and responding to pain, like the early stages of a new relationship. When talking about her looming hysterectomy to remove a large fibroid pressing on her sacrum, Naomi relies on her running coach to help (re)build her running body-self; Terry will build me properly Chantel, diagnosed with fibromyalgia refers to a consistent journey of building strength to avoid “being in a wheelchair by the time I’m 60”. Each building block feels unstable as the threat of sickness is an ever-present cloud threatening to rain down on her progress. Chantel is very aware of the limitations of her body-machine and so her focus is on maintenance as opposed to (re)building. Kelly refers to the importance of strength training to protect her body-machine; “I always have pain when I run, but I know when I’m going to the gym regularly the pain is less, and I just feel stronger and faster”. Although Kelly states “my mind has always been strong ”. She refers to her pained body as a project that is out of alignment with her mind. Something she repeatedly tries to “block out ”. The fragility and vulnerability Kelly experiences in her body is a confronting reflection of her mother’s fragility when she was younger, as she explains her mother’s battle with suicide and mental health. Kelly’s resistance is to build her body-machine to align with her experience of having a “resistance and resilience to be able to cope with stuff and just push through it”. (Fig. 13 ). Senescence: The deteriorating and ageing body Senescence is a term borrowed from evolutionary biology explaining the inevitable, time-dependent accumulation of damage at the molecular level (Carnes & Olshansky, 1993 p. 795), or more simply referred to as biological ageing. A process that makes itself known via a changing and deteriorating body; wrinkles, grey hair, muscle atrophy and loss of mobility. An ominous signifier of helplessness and dependency (Paulson, 2005 ). Participants in this study actively seek to resist this process through the disciplinary effects of ultra-running. However, their attempts at running away from their ageing body are interrupted when injured. Injury forces them to confront embodied experiences of ageing, resulting in complex and fluctuating experiences of existential anxiety. Within the Senescence plot we identified two sub plots; 1. Running out of time 2. Playing with death Running out of time For several participants, injury signals a confronting awareness of a body that is ageing. Running represents a way to remain agile, powerful and youthful. An active resistance to a body weathered and worn down by life. However when injured, the corporeal and fleshy reality of a deteriorating body is met with experiences of existential angst. For some, the seduction of denial allows them to resist the inevitability of their ageing and failing body, at least for the time being. For these participants, a looming sense of running out of time shapes their subjectivities reproducing endurance and ‘digging in’ discourses (Hockey & Allen Collinson, 2016 ). For James, each decade is marked by an endurance running goal. A resistance to a body ravaged by another decade. I had a goal before I turned 40 to do a marathon A torn meniscus robbed James from completing his goal. Nearly a decade on and James invented another goal; “ With my 50th coming up I signed up for the 100km (UTA). Again, it’s like turning 50, I’m getting old and life is short”. In between these goals when James’ body provides him with the means to run, it transports him back to his youthful past; “So this is dangerous territory for me. I start to think this is fun. I could go back to my youth when athletics was everything and I was the cross country captain at school”. The liminality of a suffering body that defies his youthful past, pressures James to confront new hopes and possibilities. A reluctance to submit to the carnal reality of his ageing lived body. I just want to be able to bush walk until I’m 80 or as old as I can Rick stated that he had researched the benefits of endurance running. Although admitting that endurance running may not be ‘good’ for the body and the heart, he reaches the conclusion that; “I want to believe that I will live 15 years longer. I look 15 years younger than I am anyway”. For Rick, running provides the means to defer the inevitability of his mortality. A gift far worth the price of any physical damage endured in the process. Naomi derives a sense of achievement and power from running fast. Injury forced her to flirt briefly with her ageing embodiment; I thought for a moment that at 41, have I reached my prime? Before returning to a corporeal experience defined through physical endurance discourses; I feel like my body is as strong as an ox, so I think there’s still many years of running fast out of me yet. Naomi settles on the belief that after her hysterectomy she will return to her former running self because her injury “is something else beyond any running control”. Lauren refers to a choice she made after several injuries to be a ‘mature ’ runner, by resisting performance discourses and ‘slowing down’ her running pace to preserve a body that has weathered several injuries. In doing so, Lauren also hopes to slow down the process of ageing. A delicately drawn flower over her heart represents Lauren’s love of ultra-running. Much like the body, an organic structure that also deteriorates with time (Fig. 14 ). Playing with Death Being-toward-death is considered the most authentic human experience according to Heidegger ( 1978 ). While most dwell in forgetfulness, ultra-runners are confronted with their mortality through the anxiety attached to pain and injury. Rick stated that the only two reasons he would pull out of a race is permanent injury or death. While in hospital following an acute respiratory event during one race, he thought “I want to see my wife and kids. I don’t want to die”. For Rick, coming close to and avoiding permanent injury and death on several occasions throws him into an anxiety which he has become familiar with. A confrontation of choice and taking ownership of his existence and being-in-the-world (Heidegger, 1978 ). Faced with the uncertainty of his injury, Rick began to contemplate what he described as the ‘ultimate sacrifice’ to continue running. A reminder of the one limit that cannot be surpassed (LeBreton, 2000 ). “We’re not racing for cattle stations or anything it’s only for ourselves. So there is no point in going to the extreme of dying”. Rick’s playful and sarcastic tone resembles a level of comfort and confidence is his choices, in seeing and avoiding his own mortality. However, it is also a reminder of an inevitability that is too much to bear; “I don’t think about being unable to run again, I just don’t go there”. Chantel describes a body riddled with illness related impairments, from fibromyalgia and patellar tendinopathy to high blood pressure and heart problems. When she was diagnosed with fibromyalgia several years ago she was told by her medical specialist that “if things don’t change you won’t make it to 50 years, and if you do you will be in a wheelchair unable to walk”. Chantel’s running journey is sustained by a desire to stay mobile and alive. For her running is a stark reminder of what she is actively resisting; a disabled body. From literal death to a metaphorical death represented through the liminality of injury and an uncertain running future, several participants described an existential anxiety when the everyday absorption in, and familiarity of the world collapses (Heidegger, 1978 ). For Craig, COVID and injury have forced him to confront the limitations of an ageing body, and the possibility of a looming future with no ultra-running; “So I’m 56 in 4 months, I think by 60 it could all be over”. Despite a growing awareness of the limitations imposed by an ageing body, the body life transformation that running enabled Craig is a gift he is unwilling to give up; “I can’t think about not being able to run. I’ve made it my life, it’s what I do with my friends on the weekend”. For Naomi this resistance takes the form of hypothetical bargaining. Finding a physical pursuit to replace not being able to run. “I’d go back to playing hockey if I couldn’t run. And if I couldn’t do that, I would have to find a new goal to excel at”. Resisting the ageing body by submitting to performance discourses. James’ realisation that “life is getting short” leads him to resist his ageing body, avoiding a metaphorical running death by finding any way to keep moving despite the ongoing pain in his knee. Right now I exercise 5 days a week, and the running is about three times a week. But the swelling is still there. Kelly on the hand, contemplates the possibility of a running death; “I guess if I couldn’t run I would rebirth myself in some way”. Kelly’s reference to rebirthing is a demonstration of her resilience and resistance developed through childhood trauma and relationship breakdowns. An ability to start all over again after trauma or loss. DISCUSSION The aims of this study were to understand the socio-cultural discourses that are resisted and reinforced through ultra-runners’ experiences of pain and injury, and to identify difficult and/or hidden experiences that are revealed by pain and injury. Through the use of body mapping methods, embodied experiences of the injured and pained body revealed shifts in corporeal subjectivity. The visual maps allowed for a creative and reflexive process (Boydell, 2021 ), producing multiple subjectivities and experiences of liminality, denial, loss and existential angst. Visual symbols convey meaning in ways that elude written or verbal expressions (Boydell, 2021 ). In the current study, these symbols were brought to life through verbal interviews and field notes. Visual arts-based methods allow for the channelling of events and memories, including those that have been silenced by trauma, structural oppression (Orchard, 2017 ), or in this case injury. Unlike traditional forms of research, art-based methods are co-created and involve different stages of production allowing for multi layered meaning (Boydell, 2021 ; Orchard, 2017 ) and multiple embodied subjectivities (Braidotti, 1993 ). These methods also allow for deeply buried experiences to get ‘out’ and ‘down’ on the body map (Orchard, 2017 ). This is because the production of a life-sized body map, delineates the boundary between the corporeal body and the image or signifier, creating safe access to embodied memories (Malecki et al, 2022 ). We analysed and presented the data in three narrative master plot lines with eight subplots, representing participants embodied experiences and multiple shifting subjectivities. What follows is a theoretical discussion of these plot lines using a cultural phenomenological approach. For most participants, the meaning of running centres around a desire for transformation and a different way of being. For these people, running offered them a path towards a way of being perceived as more appealing and fulfilling. The search for an authentic self, from living inauthentically through discursively constructed cultural roles to do with parenting and family. Inauthenticity according to Heidegger refers to a way of being defined by social norms and cultural convention. While he describes this as both necessary and unavoidable, it can become unfitting and uncomfortable (Heidegger, 1978 ). When an individual’s relation to oneself is silent in this way, the meaningful, personal relationship to the world is missing and has not been realized (Koski, 2015 ). Through running, participants in this study discovered a different way of being. An exercise in search of authenticity, intentionality and of being present in the world (Merleau-Ponty, 2012 ). When injured, this transformation towards authenticity is interrupted. From a way of being that (re)produces discursive notions of endurance and strength, participants revert to an overwhelming sense of liminality forcing them to confront their embodiment in nuanced ways. For some this means being pulled back to past pain and suffering while for others it provides an opportunity to reflect on what has been lost along the journey towards authenticity. Participants describe an experience of disappearing into socio cultural norms and caregiving roles. In an embodied sense, this reflects Leder’s conceptualisations of the (dis)appearing body (Leder, 1990 ). The body-self backgrounded in the corporeal gestalt (Leder, 1990 ) while other functions move to the foreground enabling participation in ‘doing’ and caregiving roles. For some participants there is a suggestion of intentionality with this process, from bodies that have grown through pregnancy or weight gain becoming unfamiliar, to empty vessels bearing the scars of a former body full with life. Allowing the body to fade into the background is a way of neutralising the discomfort that comes from a body-self that is unfamiliar, uncomfortable, and undesirable. Injury confronts this process, bringing the body back to the foreground. While bodily self-awareness is pre-reflective (Merleau-Ponty, 2012 ) allowing us to move our bodies during activities, the injured body disrupts the person’s mind-body-world relation. Not only is the injured body experienced as alien (Leder, 1990 ; Sveneaus, 2015), the entire experience of their world shifts (Charmaz, 1983 ) and becomes unfamiliar bringing forth past inauthentic and undesired ways of being. This corporeal unfamiliarity is experienced by nearly all participants as a type of betrayal. From a body that is indelible and unproblematic (Gadow, 1982 ) and in a state of flow (Jackman et al, 2021 ), to a jarring unfamiliarity marked by liminality and pain. Through the layering of images and drawings participants expressed being confronted with their embodiment in ways that were not discursively expressed through the interviews. The reflexivity permitted through visual storytelling allowed the participants to tell a different story (Boydell, 2021 ), engaging in alternative corporeal subjectivities. This represented a point of divergence, as their narratives drew on discourses of endurance and strength and a desire to rebuild their failing body. A finding similar to the Resilience Narrative identified by Everard et al ( 2023 ) in their research with injured track athletes and aligned with Frank’s Restitution Narrative (Frank, 1995 ). Participant injury stories often became fixed on detailed journeys of repair and an unwavering desire to build an even stronger indelible body. As Koski ( 2015 ) suggests, the ultra-running body is an object-like pragmatic being which is thematized as the performer. The entrenched nature of this performance narrative creating a stifling context for other ways of approaching injury experiences (Everard et al, 2023 ). The body-as-machine becomes a convenient metaphor in this context, with a mechanistic view of the body enabling medical discourse to offer solutions to a broken body (Black, 2014 ). The machine metaphor also providing superhuman and desirable possibilities of endless youth and persisting strength. While dominant narratives surrounding sport may restrict access to alternative narratives (Ronkainen et al, 2016 ), individuals are not passive in positioning themselves in discourses. The site of subjectivity one occupies in a discourse can be ascribed to individuals, limiting their possibilities to certain conventions as to how to feel, think and behave (Foucault, 1983). There is a question as to whether discursive subjectivity was ascribed to participants in the present study. Specifically, body-mapping as co-creation meant that the first author shared their experiences of running in a purposeful way to share vulnerability and open meaningful and power leveling interactions (Orchard, 2017 ). While this appeared to enable participants to open up and share their own experiences it may have restricted and ascribed subjectivity, causing participants to purposefully channel their performative narratives into dominant running discourses. In contrast, by emplacing their experiences onto their body map participants visual stories reflected a revolving story of the self (Everard et al, 2023 ). Flickering experiences of pain, grief and loss, were layered with sharp and confronting representations of past trauma and suffering. Windows into former ways of being were positioned onto parts of the body where physical pain was located creating a fluid temporal shifting between current and past experiences of pain. While the verbal narratives seemed to adhere to dominant and performative athletic discourse, the body maps gave ‘voice’ to hidden and inaccessible embodied experiences of pain and suffering. While the body maps provided visual insights into temporal fluidity between the here and now, their verbal narratives became pre-occupied with an ageing awakening. A linear experience of time, leading towards a deteriorating body and eventual non-existence. According to Heidegger ( 1978 ) death is the most authentic human experience; an experience that allows humans to see their own existence on the basis of non-existence. The average age of participants in this study was 47yrs, with the oldest and most experienced being 57yrs. All were at a point in their lives where they were reflecting on former youthful selves from rearing children, to career changes and moving countries. It has been widely acknowledged that midlife , occurring between the ages of 40–60 presents an ambiguous status, an important transitional period when the practices that mark social identity in youth are challenged by Western culture (Schwaiger, 2009 ; Gullette, 1998 ). As a culture that valorises youthfulness, the visual signs of ageing are marks of disruption and the body’s failure to properly signify a gendered agelessness (Schwaiger, 2009 ). The ageing medicalized body in this sense represents a dualistic determinism, with the body rendered in isolation from the self. Under this process, ageing can be experienced as an ominous signifier of helplessness and dependency (Paulson, 2005 ). Participants in this study appeared to position their ageing bodies as adversaries subjected to the inevitability of deterioration and at some point, death. For one participant in particular flirting with death is a reminder of their existence and of a choice to overcome the inevitable. For these participants, running represents a way to resist biological ageing, producing a tension between the material body and embodied subjectivity (Featherstone & Hepworth et al, 1991 ). This tension became foregrounded through injury. As their injury confronted them with an ageing body, participants responded in various ways. Some choosing to continue resisting the ageing process by focussing on a quick return to running, while for others, the tension forcing them to confront the inevitability of ageing with a corporeal awareness. For the latter, this awareness was met with loss and uncertainty throwing some into a chaos narrative (Frank, 1995 ). In his narrative typology Frank refers to the Chaos narrative as a realisation that things are unlikely to improve or get better (Frank, 1995 ). This anti-narrative of time without sequence was certainly observed when participants spoke about their experiences of injury. The injury experience characterised by temporal shifting and distortion, with the jarring Immediacy of their experience dominating the narrative. An experience also noted by Collinson in her research about the temporal dimensions of sporting injury (Allen Collinson, 2003 ). However for the participants in this study, subjective experiences of chaos brought about by injury appear to be due (at least in part) to a corporeal awareness of ageing. Frank states that the person living in chaos cannot tell it in words (Frank, 1995 ). As such, participants experiences of injury-related chaos were represented in their body maps through the use of bright and contrasting colours, and large dramatic free drawn lines and shapes over the top of each other suggesting a loss of control. While the hope is that participants are able to exercise corporeal agency by somewhat embracing the ageing process, the question is whether this is possible given the normative enactments of age which perpetuate the status quo. According to Sullivan ( 2000 ), we can reconfigure our culture through the ways we embody it. Given the fact that participants were interviewed at the time of injury or shortly afterwards, it would be interesting to understand how this process evolves. Specifically, whether it holds promise for an alternative and ethically productive embodied understanding of old age (Schwaiger, 2009 ). In this study we interviewed eight ultra-runners using a combination of semi-structured interviews and Body Mapping techniques. Analysis and results identified three master plot lines with eight subplots woven throughout each interview. To date, this is the first study to employ these techniques and theoretical analysis with ultra-runners. This study provides valuable insight into the shifting subjectivities of these athletes when confronted with injury. Drawn into discursive athletic performance narratives, participants were able to access different stories told through body maps. The jarring experience of injury forced most participants to confront their embodiment in various ways, producing multiple subjectivities to reflect the liminality and unfamiliarity of their experiences. Body mapping lends itself to the exploration of sensory and psychological experience (Boydell, 2021 ), opening up creative spaces within which we were able to understand the experiences of being in the world for these participants (Orchard, 2017 ). Participants embraced the opportunity to explore embodied experiences of liminality, uncertainty, grief and loss to come to the surface making visible the invisible (Boydell 2021 ). Running occurs in space and place. Nearly all participants reflected on the themes of freedom and nature when running. Exploring ultra-runners embodied experiences of place was beyond the scope of this study, however could be a consideration for future research. Running bodies and notions of nature are suggested to be co-produced blurring the distinction between the social and natural (Howe & Morris 2009 ). The ultra-runner’s relationship and ‘oneness’ with nature, and whether this blurred distinction mediates their response to injury would be an interesting topic for future research. Finally, participants in this study were all from Sydney, Australia with many moving to Australia from England. All were white middle-class athletes, representative of the neoliberalism often associated with the sport of ultra-running (Bridel et al, 2016 ). Critically, much more research is needed to reflect the diversity of culture and conditions within this sport. Researchers should take this into consideration when designing future studies. Declarations Ethical Approval This study was approved by the Human Research Ethics Committee at the University of Sydney, Australia in accordance with the National Statement on Ethical Conduct in Human Research (2007), Australian Government National Health and Medical Research Council. Competing Interests The authors declare no competing interests. Author’s contributions Both authors contributed to the study conception and design. Material preparation and data collection was performed by the first author, analysis was performed by both authors. The first draft of the manuscript was written by the first author, with comments and feedback provided by the second author. Funding Not applicable Availability of data and materials Data not available as participants did not provide written consent for their data to be shared publicly. 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Narrative and discursive perspectives on athletic identity: Past, present, and future. Psychology of Sport and Exercise , 27 , 128–137. Rose, G. (2016). Visual Methodologies: An introduction to researching with visual materials . London, Sage Publications. Russell, H., Wiese-Bjornstal, D. (2015). Narratives of psychosocial response to microtrauma injury among long distance runners. Sports . 3; 159-177. RunRepeat. The State of Ultra Running 2020. [(accessed on 24 September 2021)]. Available online: https://runrepeat.com/state-of-ultra-running Scarry, E. (1985). The Body in Pain: The Making and Unmaking of the World . Oxford, UK: Oxford University Press. Schwaiger, E. (2009) Performing youth: ageing, ambiguity and bodily integrity. Social Identities 15(2); 273-284 Scott, R., Cova, J., Cayla, V. (2017). Selling Pain to the Saturated Self. Journal of consumer Research. 44(1); 22–43. Shilling, C. (2012) The Body and Social Theory . London, Sage Publications. Shogan, D. (1999). 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A phenomenological analysis of bodily self-awareness in the experience of pain and pleasure: On dys-appearance and eu-appearance. Medicine, Health Care and Philosophy 13(4); 333–342. Additional Declarations No competing interests reported. Cite Share Download PDF Status: Published Journal Publication published 23 Sep, 2024 Read the published version in Human Arenas → Version 1 posted Editorial decision: Revision requested 09 Jul, 2024 Reviews received at journal 07 Jul, 2024 Reviews received at journal 06 Jun, 2024 Reviewers agreed at journal 18 May, 2024 Reviewers agreed at journal 18 May, 2024 Reviewers invited by journal 15 May, 2024 Editor assigned by journal 07 May, 2024 Submission checks completed at journal 06 May, 2024 First submitted to journal 03 May, 2024 You are reading this latest preprint version Research Square lets you share your work early, gain feedback from the community, and start making changes to your manuscript prior to peer review in a journal. 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15:37:44","extension":"png","order_by":14,"title":"Figure 14","display":"","copyAsset":false,"role":"figure","size":138716,"visible":true,"origin":"","legend":"\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eLauren Flower over the Heart\u003c/strong\u003e\u003c/p\u003e","description":"","filename":"14.png","url":"https://assets-eu.researchsquare.com/files/rs-4362487/v1/b726591ba62e9ab409d500e4.png"},{"id":65627541,"identity":"e0073a39-b65d-4e10-8999-68964698318e","added_by":"auto","created_at":"2024-09-30 16:16:04","extension":"pdf","order_by":0,"title":"","display":"","copyAsset":false,"role":"manuscript-pdf","size":3320699,"visible":true,"origin":"","legend":"","description":"","filename":"manuscript.pdf","url":"https://assets-eu.researchsquare.com/files/rs-4362487/v1/713f4af8-3af8-40a6-a3da-e72ae285846a.pdf"}],"financialInterests":"No competing interests reported.","formattedTitle":"The Embodied Experiences of Injured Ultra-Runners: A Body-Mapping Study","fulltext":[{"header":"INTRODUCTION","content":"\u003cp\u003eBodies are extraordinary in their strength and fragility. They are a never-ending project that can be worked on, rendering them as malleable entities to be shaped and honed by the vigilance and hard work of their owners (Shilling, \u003cspan citationid=\"CR73\" class=\"CitationRef\"\u003e2012\u003c/span\u003e). Athletic bodies in particular are often experienced as machines to be manipulated, enhanced and transformed (Mills \u0026amp; Dennison, 2018).\u003c/p\u003e \u003cp\u003eIn the sport of long-distance running, the endurance discourse produces bodies that are disciplined through hard work and unquestioned social norms (Hanold, \u003cspan citationid=\"CR32\" class=\"CitationRef\"\u003e2010\u003c/span\u003e). Experiences of pain are normalised and at times perceived as a badge of honour with culturally inscribed symbolic value (Bale, 2004). For these runners, bodies exist to be pushed to and beyond their limits (Crust et al, \u003cspan citationid=\"CR14\" class=\"CitationRef\"\u003e2010\u003c/span\u003e).\u003c/p\u003e \u003cp\u003eAs an ultra-runner Billy Yang is also a filmmaker who has interviewed dozens of the worlds most accomplished ultra-runners.\u003c/p\u003e \u003cp\u003e\u0026ldquo;When it\u0026rsquo;s your time, do you want to leave a well-preserved body, or do you really want to use it? A body with stories that says you\u0026rsquo;ve pushed it, and at times suffered, and you sought its potential.\u0026rdquo; Billy Yang, Ultra-Runner and Filmmaker.\u003c/p\u003e \u003cp\u003eUltra-running involves running distances over 50km, longer than a marathon and often on single trails across mountainous regions. For these runners, endurance and \u0026lsquo;digging in\u0026rsquo; is valued over performance (Hockey \u0026amp; Allen Collinson in Bridel et al, \u003cspan citationid=\"CR9\" class=\"CitationRef\"\u003e2016\u003c/span\u003e). As a sport which has seen participation rates increase by 345% in the past ten years, studies show that in general participants have never been older and pace has never been slower (Run Repeat, 2022). What draws these athletes to the sport is less about speed and finish times, and more about the perceived emotional and spiritual growth that occurs through enduring levels of discomfort (Holt et al, \u003cspan citationid=\"CR38\" class=\"CitationRef\"\u003e2014\u003c/span\u003e; Simpson et al, \u003cspan citationid=\"CR75\" class=\"CitationRef\"\u003e2014\u003c/span\u003e).\u003c/p\u003e \u003cp\u003eFor injury free ultra-runners, their body is experienced as indelible and unproblematic (Gadow, \u003cspan citationid=\"CR26\" class=\"CitationRef\"\u003e1982\u003c/span\u003e). The body fades to the background (Leder, \u003cspan citationid=\"CR47\" class=\"CitationRef\"\u003e1990\u003c/span\u003e), projected outwards through its place of standing allowing transcendence towards a meditative state achieved through \u003cem\u003eelemental haptics\u003c/em\u003e, involving kinaesthesia, proprioception and balance (Allen-Collinson \u0026amp; Leledaki, 2015). An experience also known as \u0026lsquo;flow\u0026rsquo; (Csikszentmihalyi, \u003cspan citationid=\"CR15\" class=\"CitationRef\"\u003e1990\u003c/span\u003e), where the experience of space and time is lost or distorted. In this state, ultra-runners describe profound states of spirituality and peace leading to the attainment of a sense of unity with the outdoor environment (Simpson et al, \u003cspan citationid=\"CR75\" class=\"CitationRef\"\u003e2014\u003c/span\u003e). This experience of unity has also been described in a mind-body sense, with runners stating that being in \u0026lsquo;the zone\u0026rsquo; or flow feels like they are at one with their body (Jackman et al, \u003cspan citationid=\"CR41\" class=\"CitationRef\"\u003e2021\u003c/span\u003e).\u003c/p\u003e \u003cp\u003eThis meshing of the mind and body creates a consciousness that allows the senses to open up to their surroundings through running. Through motion, the body is experientially in touch with the world in an operational capacity (Koski, \u003cspan citationid=\"CR44\" class=\"CitationRef\"\u003e2015\u003c/span\u003e). This contrasts with discursive constructions of space discussed by Lefebvre (\u003cspan citationid=\"CR48\" class=\"CitationRef\"\u003e1991\u003c/span\u003e) which involves a type of cognitive engagement with space and surroundings. These cognitive constructions result in ultra-running spaces being perceived as a challenge for both the mind and body to overcome (Hanold in Bridel et al, \u003cspan citationid=\"CR9\" class=\"CitationRef\"\u003e2016\u003c/span\u003e). This serves to further separate the mind from the body, enabling the dualistic notion of \u0026lsquo;mind over body\u0026rsquo; where the body is seen as something to be dominated by a tough mindset (Jaeschke et al, \u003cspan citationid=\"CR42\" class=\"CitationRef\"\u003e2016\u003c/span\u003e). This privileging of the mind over the body is deeply ingrained in Western culture, with Descartes\u0026rsquo; philosophy dictating that the mind-self should seek to control its body-property (Ellingson, \u003cspan citationid=\"CR19\" class=\"CitationRef\"\u003e2017\u003c/span\u003e). Discursive constructions reinforce the endurance discourse and the concept of \u0026lsquo;digging in\u0026rsquo; (Hockey \u0026amp; Allen Collinson in Bridel et al, \u003cspan citationid=\"CR9\" class=\"CitationRef\"\u003e2016\u003c/span\u003e).\u003c/p\u003e \u003cp\u003eAlternatively, according to Merleau-Ponty consciousness contains the bodily experiences of the world, and as such is not just a thinking activity (Koski, \u003cspan citationid=\"CR44\" class=\"CitationRef\"\u003e2015\u003c/span\u003e). The current research and associated findings align with an embodied consciousness, and an experience of corporeal being-in-the-world for ultra-runners.\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003eThe failing body\u003c/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThe arresting and jarring experience of injury causes a dramatic shift in subjectivity. The body is brought to the foreground (Leder, \u003cspan citationid=\"CR47\" class=\"CitationRef\"\u003e1990\u003c/span\u003e) causing the runner\u0026rsquo;s social world to be altered. Previous states of flow and embodied awareness are brought to a halt, as consciousness snaps back to the body causing an immediate search for meaning. Assuming that bodies are constituted within the specific nexus of culture (Foucault, 1994; Butler, \u003cspan citationid=\"CR11\" class=\"CitationRef\"\u003e1989\u003c/span\u003e), the injury experience is filtered through discourses. Research suggests that dominant discourses of endurance and normalisation of pain lead injured runners to \u003cem\u003eresist\u003c/em\u003e medical discourse by opting to take charge of their own recovery (Russel and Weise-Bjornstal, 2015; Hockey, \u003cspan citationid=\"CR36\" class=\"CitationRef\"\u003e2005\u003c/span\u003e), or to question medical advice and turn to their running colleagues for support (Philippe et al, \u003cspan citationid=\"CR62\" class=\"CitationRef\"\u003e2016\u003c/span\u003e). According to Lev (2019), how distance runners respond to bodily pain and distress is grounded and negotiated in shared interactional practices as part of the running social world. This suggests that the power of specific ultra-running discourses may be difficult to resist, especially during times of perceived vulnerability and liminality such as injury.\u003c/p\u003e \u003cp\u003eDocility is a complex phenomenon in the world of sport. The overly compliant docile \u0026lsquo;running\u0026rsquo; body conforms to the discourses and expectations of their lived space. This strengthens bonds between endurance runners contributing to a sense of belonging and camaraderie (Bale, \u003cspan citationid=\"CR4\" class=\"CitationRef\"\u003e2006\u003c/span\u003e). This socially constructed running identity risks being challenged when the runner experiences an injury (Hockey, \u003cspan citationid=\"CR36\" class=\"CitationRef\"\u003e2005\u003c/span\u003e). As such, ultra-runners may lean into established and familiar discourses to manage the discomfort of uncertainty and liminality. Through injury, the body is experienced as unfamiliar, alien and unhomelike (Svenaeus, \u003cspan citationid=\"CR78\" class=\"CitationRef\"\u003e2015\u003c/span\u003e). In his study with injured runners, Lev discovered that experiences of first-person alienation cause them to automatically resist the injured body part causing pain describing themselves as subjects experiencing pain and their pain as an object (Lev, \u003cspan citationid=\"CR50\" class=\"CitationRef\"\u003e2020\u003c/span\u003e). Externalising parts of the body in this way further reinforces mind body dualisms and \u0026lsquo;the body as a machine\u0026rsquo; metaphor (Black, \u003cspan citationid=\"CR6\" class=\"CitationRef\"\u003e2014\u003c/span\u003e). This is a useful metaphor for injured ultra-runners as machines don\u0026rsquo;t feel pain (Bale, \u003cspan citationid=\"CR4\" class=\"CitationRef\"\u003e2006\u003c/span\u003e).\u003c/p\u003e \u003cp\u003eRegarding ultra-runners specifically, whether injury provides opportunities to resist dominant discourses is largely unknown. What we do know, is that athletes are always interacting with and shaping their running space in nuanced ways (Jones et al, \u003cspan citationid=\"CR43\" class=\"CitationRef\"\u003e2022\u003c/span\u003e). While research about the experiences of injured ultra-runners is still in its infancy (Hall \u0026amp; Rhodes, 2022), even less is known about the corporeal experiences of these athletes, and the extent to which injury shifts or alters their experience of their body. To understand this, research needs to acknowledge the socio-cultural frame of their experiences while also adopting research methods that can enable an exploration of the multiple layers of meaning and affective embodied experience.\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003eThe body in pain\u003c/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThe social environment has a powerful impact on the body in pain (Lev, \u003cspan citationid=\"CR50\" class=\"CitationRef\"\u003e2020\u003c/span\u003e). Research suggests that pain in a sporting context is different to pain encountered in everyday life and has a different ontology (Lurie in Loland et al (Ed), 2006).\u003c/p\u003e \u003cp\u003eThis suggests that ultra-runners\u0026rsquo; experiences of pain cannot be understood within normative non-running cultural paradigms, dominated by bio-medical conceptualisations of pain and suffering. Instead, their subjective experience of felt pain is filtered through dominant discourses of endurance, normalisation of pain, and an internalised medical discourse based on personal experience (Hall \u0026amp; Rhodes, 2022). Pain has an immediacy that pushes inwards, directing attention to the body part in pain, entailing a retreat of the runner into their body (Green, \u003cspan citationid=\"CR29\" class=\"CitationRef\"\u003e2011\u003c/span\u003e). As in the case of injury, research suggests that embodied awareness becomes split into a familiar mind body dualism in an attempt to regain a sense of agency and control over the failing body. What ensues is an iterative process which results in physical adaptations until meaning can be put to the pain experience (Phillipe et al, 2016). Meaning however is influenced by culture and discourse. While the idea of culture shapes the meaning that is attributed to pain, it also impacts the way an athlete responds (Bendelow \u0026amp;Williams, \u003cspan citationid=\"CR5\" class=\"CitationRef\"\u003e1995\u003c/span\u003e), meaning that cultural norms and expectations are often adhered to in order to reinforce the athlete\u0026rsquo;s membership to the running community.\u003c/p\u003e \u003cp\u003eThe body-in-pain experience is also dominated by another dualism; injury related pain versus non-injury related pain (Bale in Loland et al (Ed), 2006). Research suggests that for ultra-runners experiencing pain, this thought process tends to dominate the iterative search for meaning (Hall \u0026amp; Rhodes, 2022), as ultra-runners state that they will only stop running if they think (through cognitive appraisal) that they are injured and risk further injury if they continue running (Phillipe et al, 2016; Heil, \u003cspan citationid=\"CR35\" class=\"CitationRef\"\u003e2012\u003c/span\u003e; Deroche et al, 2011). This is consistent with Kotarba\u0026rsquo;s (\u003cspan citationid=\"CR45\" class=\"CitationRef\"\u003e1983\u003c/span\u003e) research on chronic pain demonstrating that pain is calculated as a matter of profit and loss. This preoccupation with making sense of pain through an iterative cognitive appraisal process means that experienced athletes develop a nuanced knowledge of pain and a heighted sensitivity and awareness to uncomfortable and painful bodily experiences (Lev, 2019; McNarry et al, \u003cspan citationid=\"CR54\" class=\"CitationRef\"\u003e2020\u003c/span\u003e). However, it also suggests that these athletes revert to a dualistic disembodiment of mind-over-matter to overcome and manage the uncomfortable experience. Similarly, in their work with professional dancers, Ravn and Christensen (2014) suggest that for these athletes their body is always the subject of experience, even in the absence of pain, as they assess what \u0026lsquo;feels right\u0026rsquo; in order to perform their dance. As such, it has been suggested that rather than thinking of the body as absent, the body should be thought of as transparent to experience for expert movers (Legrand, \u003cspan citationid=\"CR49\" class=\"CitationRef\"\u003e2007\u003c/span\u003e). Consistent with these findings and as Leder (\u003cspan citationid=\"CR47\" class=\"CitationRef\"\u003e1990\u003c/span\u003e) would suggest, in the sporting world of expert movers body disappearance is not a silent one (Ravn \u0026amp; Christensen, 2014). Similarly in her research with joggers, Zeiler (\u003cspan citationid=\"CR81\" class=\"CitationRef\"\u003e2010\u003c/span\u003e) refers to a pre-reflective bodily awareness that means the body is always the thematic object of experience. When injured, the hurt body part disrupts intentionality and the joggers \u0026lsquo;mind-body-world relation\u0026rsquo; (Zeiler, \u003cspan citationid=\"CR81\" class=\"CitationRef\"\u003e2010\u003c/span\u003e p. 336).\u003c/p\u003e \u003cp\u003eThe other aspect of pain in this context is the public dimension (Scott et al, \u003cspan citationid=\"CR72\" class=\"CitationRef\"\u003e2017\u003c/span\u003e), which serves to enhance a sense of belonging to the running community through obtaining social recognition (Atkinson, \u003cspan citationid=\"CR3\" class=\"CitationRef\"\u003e2008\u003c/span\u003e). Part of this performative element of the pain experience results in significant resources being directed towards narrating the experience (Scott et al, \u003cspan citationid=\"CR72\" class=\"CitationRef\"\u003e2017\u003c/span\u003e), creating and (re)telling stories of strength and suffering. Research suggests that injured endurance runners will often instrumentalize their pain to gain social recognition and to reaffirming their running identity (Lev, \u003cspan citationid=\"CR50\" class=\"CitationRef\"\u003e2020\u003c/span\u003e; Hockey, \u003cspan citationid=\"CR36\" class=\"CitationRef\"\u003e2005\u003c/span\u003e).\u003c/p\u003e \u003cp\u003eWhile these performative stories of injury and pain provide some reassurance to the athlete and their membership to the ultra-running community, they are filtered through a discourse of heroism and toughness (Jaeschke et al, \u003cspan citationid=\"CR42\" class=\"CitationRef\"\u003e2016\u003c/span\u003e; Finn, \u003cspan citationid=\"CR22\" class=\"CitationRef\"\u003e2019\u003c/span\u003e). The notion of positive pain (Howe, \u003cspan citationid=\"CR39\" class=\"CitationRef\"\u003e2004\u003c/span\u003e) and good pain (Hanold, \u003cspan citationid=\"CR32\" class=\"CitationRef\"\u003e2010\u003c/span\u003e) has also been described among endurance athletes. In their research with competitive swimmers, McNarry et al (\u003cspan citationid=\"CR54\" class=\"CitationRef\"\u003e2020\u003c/span\u003e) suggest that these positive experiences of pain are related to the experiential knowledge that the athlete develops over time about their body, to formulate an understanding of what good pain is. They state that good pain and discomfort are perceived as by-products of training and performance (McNarry et al, \u003cspan citationid=\"CR54\" class=\"CitationRef\"\u003e2020\u003c/span\u003e), reinforcing relevant cultural discourses relating to sport and performance. Given the cultural differences that are likely to exist between performance swimmers and ultra-runners, it is not known whether these athletes share a similar experience of good or positive pain.\u003c/p\u003e \u003cp\u003eWhile research provides some insight into aspects of the endurance runners experiences of pain and injury, research that seeks to understand the affective and embodied experiences of pain is needed, especially for ultra-runners.\u003c/p\u003e \u003cp\u003eThis study seeks to address gaps in the literature by asking injured ultra-runners to represent their embodied experiences of injury through body mapping. In doing so, we adopted a cultural phenomenological approach (Csordas, \u003cspan citationid=\"CR16\" class=\"CitationRef\"\u003e2002\u003c/span\u003e), considering the embodied experiences of injured ultra-runners and the ways in which these experiences are culturally shaped and mediated through various discourses.\u003c/p\u003e \u003cp\u003eThe specific aims of the study were to understand what socio-cultural discourses are resisted and reinforced through ultra-runners\u0026rsquo; experiences of pain and injury, to identify difficult and/or hidden experiences that are revealed by pain and injury, and to understand how injury contributes to new ways of being for the ultra-runner.\u003c/p\u003e"},{"header":"METHODS","content":"\u003cdiv id=\"Sec5\" class=\"Section2\"\u003e\n \u003ch2\u003eParticipants\u003c/h2\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eWe used purposive sampling techniques to recruit eight runners through social media running groups, and through posts on the pages of online community running groups explaining the purpose and procedures of the study. We recruited five women and three men, with an age range of 37\u0026ndash;57 years. All currently reside in Sydney, ranging from the Blue Mountains to the Northern Beaches, with five runners stating that they moved to Australia from their native country of England several years ago.\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eAll of the runners had competed in several ultra-marathons, from 50km to 240km. See Table \u003cspan class=\"InternalRef\"\u003e1\u003c/span\u003e for a detailed description.\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eAt the time of the interviews, all the runners had sustained a recent injury, with two runners unable to run at all, five slowly returning post-injury and one only able to walk and hike.\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003cdiv class=\"gridtable\"\u003e\u0026nbsp;\u003ctable id=\"Tab1\" border=\"1\"\u003e\n \u003ccaption language=\"En\"\u003e\n \u003cdiv class=\"CaptionNumber\"\u003eTable 1\u003c/div\u003e\n \u003cdiv class=\"CaptionContent\"\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eUltra-Runners Characteristics\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003c/div\u003e\n \u003c/caption\u003e\n \u003ccolgroup cols=\"7\"\u003e\u003c/colgroup\u003e\n \u003cthead\u003e\n \u003ctr\u003e\n \u003cth align=\"left\"\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eName\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003c/th\u003e\n \u003cth align=\"left\"\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eAge\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003c/th\u003e\n \u003cth align=\"left\"\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eLocation\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003c/th\u003e\n \u003cth align=\"left\"\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eNumber of Ultra Running Events\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003c/th\u003e\n \u003cth align=\"left\"\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eLongest event\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003c/th\u003e\n \u003cth align=\"left\"\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eRecent Injury Type\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003c/th\u003e\n \u003cth align=\"left\"\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eCurrent Running Status\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003c/th\u003e\n \u003c/tr\u003e\n \u003c/thead\u003e\n \u003ctbody\u003e\n \u003ctr\u003e\n \u003ctd align=\"left\"\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eNaomi\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003c/td\u003e\n \u003ctd align=\"char\"\u003e\n \u003cp\u003e42\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003c/td\u003e\n \u003ctd align=\"left\"\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eWestern Sydney\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003c/td\u003e\n \u003ctd align=\"char\"\u003e\n \u003cp\u003e3\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003c/td\u003e\n \u003ctd align=\"left\"\u003e\n \u003cp\u003e50km (Ultra Trail Australia)\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003c/td\u003e\n \u003ctd align=\"left\"\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eFibroid on uterus\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003c/td\u003e\n \u003ctd align=\"left\"\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eNone\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003c/td\u003e\n \u003c/tr\u003e\n \u003ctr\u003e\n \u003ctd align=\"left\"\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eLauren\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003c/td\u003e\n \u003ctd align=\"char\"\u003e\n \u003cp\u003e37\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003c/td\u003e\n \u003ctd align=\"left\"\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eSydney Northern Beaches\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003c/td\u003e\n \u003ctd align=\"char\"\u003e\n \u003cp\u003e4\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003c/td\u003e\n \u003ctd align=\"left\"\u003e\n \u003cp\u003e223km (Larapinta Trail)\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003c/td\u003e\n \u003ctd align=\"left\"\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eHip stress fracture\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003c/td\u003e\n \u003ctd align=\"left\"\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eSlowly returning\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003c/td\u003e\n \u003c/tr\u003e\n \u003ctr\u003e\n \u003ctd align=\"left\"\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eCraig\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003c/td\u003e\n \u003ctd align=\"char\"\u003e\n \u003cp\u003e55\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003c/td\u003e\n \u003ctd align=\"left\"\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eNorth West Sydney\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003c/td\u003e\n \u003ctd align=\"char\"\u003e\n \u003cp\u003e5\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003c/td\u003e\n \u003ctd align=\"left\"\u003e\n \u003cp\u003e100km (Ultra Trail Australia)\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003c/td\u003e\n \u003ctd align=\"left\"\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eHamstring tendinopathy\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003c/td\u003e\n \u003ctd align=\"left\"\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eSlowly returning\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003c/td\u003e\n \u003c/tr\u003e\n \u003ctr\u003e\n \u003ctd align=\"left\"\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eLisa\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003c/td\u003e\n \u003ctd align=\"char\"\u003e\n \u003cp\u003e42\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003c/td\u003e\n \u003ctd align=\"left\"\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eBlue Mountains\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003c/td\u003e\n \u003ctd align=\"char\"\u003e\n \u003cp\u003e3\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003c/td\u003e\n \u003ctd align=\"left\"\u003e\n \u003cp\u003e100km (Ultra Train Australia)\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003c/td\u003e\n \u003ctd align=\"left\"\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eIliotibial band syndrome (ITB)\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003c/td\u003e\n \u003ctd align=\"left\"\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eSlowly returning\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003c/td\u003e\n \u003c/tr\u003e\n \u003ctr\u003e\n \u003ctd align=\"left\"\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eRick\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003c/td\u003e\n \u003ctd align=\"char\"\u003e\n \u003cp\u003e57\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003c/td\u003e\n \u003ctd align=\"left\"\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eNorth West Sydney\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003c/td\u003e\n \u003ctd align=\"char\"\u003e\n \u003cp\u003e76\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003c/td\u003e\n \u003ctd align=\"left\"\u003e\n \u003cp\u003e240km (Coast to Kosci)\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003c/td\u003e\n \u003ctd align=\"left\"\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eSnapped rotator cuff and herniated bicep\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003c/td\u003e\n \u003ctd align=\"left\"\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eNone\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003c/td\u003e\n \u003c/tr\u003e\n \u003ctr\u003e\n \u003ctd align=\"left\"\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eJames\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003c/td\u003e\n \u003ctd align=\"char\"\u003e\n \u003cp\u003e50\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003c/td\u003e\n \u003ctd align=\"left\"\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eBlue Mountains\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003c/td\u003e\n \u003ctd align=\"char\"\u003e\n \u003cp\u003e4\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003c/td\u003e\n \u003ctd align=\"left\"\u003e\n \u003cp\u003e100km (Ultra Trail Australia)\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003c/td\u003e\n \u003ctd align=\"left\"\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eTorn meniscus, knee\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003c/td\u003e\n \u003ctd align=\"left\"\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eSlowly returning\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003c/td\u003e\n \u003c/tr\u003e\n \u003ctr\u003e\n \u003ctd align=\"left\"\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eChantelle\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003c/td\u003e\n \u003ctd align=\"char\"\u003e\n \u003cp\u003e50\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003c/td\u003e\n \u003ctd align=\"left\"\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eSouth West Sydney\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003c/td\u003e\n \u003ctd align=\"char\"\u003e\n \u003cp\u003e1\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003c/td\u003e\n \u003ctd align=\"left\"\u003e\n \u003cp\u003e50km (Stromlo Canberra)\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003c/td\u003e\n \u003ctd align=\"left\"\u003e\n \u003cp\u003ePatellar Tendinopathy\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003c/td\u003e\n \u003ctd align=\"left\"\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eWalking only\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003c/td\u003e\n \u003c/tr\u003e\n \u003ctr\u003e\n \u003ctd align=\"left\"\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eKelly\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003c/td\u003e\n \u003ctd align=\"char\"\u003e\n \u003cp\u003e46\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003c/td\u003e\n \u003ctd align=\"left\"\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eNorth West Sydney\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003c/td\u003e\n \u003ctd align=\"char\"\u003e\n \u003cp\u003e2\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003c/td\u003e\n \u003ctd align=\"left\"\u003e\n \u003cp\u003e50km (Ultra Trail Australia)\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003c/td\u003e\n \u003ctd align=\"left\"\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eFractured sacrum\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003c/td\u003e\n \u003ctd align=\"left\"\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eSlowly returning\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003c/td\u003e\n \u003c/tr\u003e\n \u003c/tbody\u003e\n \u003c/table\u003e\n \u003c/div\u003e\n \u003cdiv id=\"Sec6\" class=\"Section3\"\u003e\n \u003cp\u003e*Names have been changed to protect confidentiality\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eUltra-running was defined as having competed in at least one 50km\u0026thinsp;+\u0026thinsp;event. All the runners had competed in several marathons (42.2km) as well as other long to medium distant runs. Injuries ranged from direct running related injuries such as iliotibial band syndrome and meniscus tears, to non-running related injuries such as fibroids and shoulder injuries. All the runners had experienced a recent interruption to their running.\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003c/div\u003e\n \u003cdiv id=\"Sec7\" class=\"Section3\"\u003e\n \u003ch2\u003eProcedures\u003c/h2\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eThe study was approved by the University of Sydney Research Ethics Committee. Participants were initially contacted via telephone after they responded to the social media post. The aims and requirements of the study were then explained. Participant information sheets were then sent via email and meetings were then arranged via email and text message.\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eParticipants were interviewed at Sydney University. They were given a full explanation about the research process including the use of audio recordings and transcriptions, how confidentiality will be managed, the risks and benefits of participating, and the right to withdraw consent or participation at any time. Following this discussion, informed written consent was obtained.\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eThe interview process began with providing a more detailed discussion of the aims and purpose of the study. All of the runners enquired about the running experience of the first author. A brief exchange occurred where the first author explained her own running and ultra-running background. By the first author purposefully sharing her own vulnerability, a non-judgemental and safe space was created opening up meaningful and \u0026lsquo;power leveling\u0026rsquo; interactions (Packard, \u003cspan class=\"CitationRef\"\u003e2008\u003c/span\u003e). After this exchange, it was noticed that all of the participants appeared to relax into their own storytelling.\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eThe goal of the first author during the interview process was to engage in a conversational process, creating a dialogic intersection and interaction between two worlds (Gadamer, \u003cspan class=\"CitationRef\"\u003e1975\u003c/span\u003e). This give and take process required openness and flexibility (Vandermause \u0026amp; Fleming, \u003cspan class=\"CitationRef\"\u003e2011\u003c/span\u003e).\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eAs such the interview was a co-creation of meaning, and loosely followed several prompting questions;\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003cul\u003e\n \u003cli\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eTell me about your running history?\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003c/li\u003e\n \u003cli\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eWhen and why did you start running?\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003c/li\u003e\n \u003cli\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eWhat do you enjoy about running?\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003c/li\u003e\n \u003cli\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eWhat does running mean to you?\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003c/li\u003e\n \u003cli\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eTell me about your injury?\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003c/li\u003e\n \u003cli\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eHow has your injury impacted you?\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003c/li\u003e\n \u003cli\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eHas it impacted how you feel about your body? What have you noticed about your body since being injured?\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003c/li\u003e\n \u003cli\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eWhat is your experience of pain? (injury and non-injury related)\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003c/li\u003e\n \u003cli\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eWhat is it like to be unable to run?\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003c/li\u003e\n \u003c/ul\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eThe interviews were intentionally conducted immediately before the body mapping process, to position the participant within their injury story. Positioning the narrative first, enabled the story to elicit the artwork representing a shift from more traditional arts-based research where the art works are used to elicit the narrative. The latter, privileging the verbal narrative material.\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003c/div\u003e\n \u003cdiv id=\"Sec8\" class=\"Section3\"\u003e\n \u003ch2\u003eBody Mapping Methods\u003c/h2\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eTraditional qualitative research methods rely on surveys or interviews, operating under the assumption that lived experience can be adequately represented through language and narrative. However, these methods are unable to capture lived experiences that either sit outside or are unable to be accessed through these more traditional means.\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eArts based research methods provide unique opportunities for power relations enacted through discursive practices to be explored and potentially resisted (Boydell, \u003cspan class=\"CitationRef\"\u003e2021\u003c/span\u003e). In addition to discursive practices, experiences of injury and pain often cannot be expressed in words. Hence, in some cases these experiences can affect the ability to communicate (Zeiler, \u003cspan class=\"CitationRef\"\u003e2010\u003c/span\u003e). Physical pain does not simply resist language, it destroys it (Scarry, \u003cspan class=\"CitationRef\"\u003e1985\u003c/span\u003e). As such, body mapping is a useful tool to understand the impact of pain and injury on ultra-runners\u0026rsquo; embodiment.\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eThe body mapping interviews were conducted by the first author and guided by the protocol adapted from Gastaldo et al (\u003cspan class=\"CitationRef\"\u003e2012\u003c/span\u003e) and Boydell (\u003cspan class=\"CitationRef\"\u003e2021\u003c/span\u003e). The process began with a discussion around the meaning of embodiment and the process of body mapping. Participants were encouraged to visualise their injury experience and consider how they might represent this on their body map. The entire interview and mapping process lasted from two to three hours.\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003c/div\u003e\n \u003cdiv id=\"Sec9\" class=\"Section3\"\u003e\n \u003ch2\u003eBody Mapping Process\u003c/h2\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eBody mapping involves a participant tracing a life-sized outline of their body before populating the space with visual representations, symbols and words related to the experience under investigation (Gastaldo et al, \u003cspan class=\"CitationRef\"\u003e2012\u003c/span\u003e; De Jager et al, \u003cspan class=\"CitationRef\"\u003e2016\u003c/span\u003e). Participants were asked to lie on a large sheet of paper, in a position they feel comfortable. The first author then traced around their body.\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eSix of the participants expressed surprise at \u0026lsquo;seeing\u0026rsquo; the outline of their body. They were then provided with an assortment of coloured pens, crayons, pencils, paints and paint brushes, magazines, scissors and glue.\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eMany layered their artworks, by drawing and painting over the top of images. This provided the participants with a unique level of reflexivity and multiple layers of storytelling (Boydell, \u003cspan class=\"CitationRef\"\u003e2021\u003c/span\u003e).\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eMany of the participants required further explanation, with all of them seeking to understand the parameters and \u0026lsquo;rules\u0026rsquo; of the exercise. While the first author resisted in providing rigid parameters, gentle guidance was provided by naming an experience the participant referred to in their interview and encouraging them to represent this on their body.\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eAll but one participant then managed to continue working on their map, while engaging in casual discussion with the first author. During these discussions, field notes were taken and then used to develop a key for each body map (Collings et al in Boydell, \u003cspan class=\"CitationRef\"\u003e2021\u003c/span\u003e). The field notes were also used to help the authors situate the participants stories in the present moment and context.\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eParticipants returned their body maps several days later. This provided an opportunity for the first author to answer any final questions.\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eThe interviews were then transcribed, compiled into a narrative summary and sent to the participants for member checking with the option to adjust stories that did not align with their lived experience.\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003c/div\u003e\n\u003c/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv id=\"Sec10\" class=\"Section2\"\u003e\n \u003ch2\u003eVisual Analysis\u003c/h2\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eRiessman\u0026rsquo;s (2007) approach formed the framework of the analysis of the body maps with Rose\u0026rsquo;s (\u003cspan class=\"CitationRef\"\u003e2016\u003c/span\u003e) sites of visual analysis providing a guide for the process of analysis. Specifically, the focus of analysis was from three sites. The first looking at how the participants social circumstances brought about the production of the image, and the use of colour and positioning. The second being how the image represents different affective responses designed to persuade the audience, and the third being the subjective processes that govern how the participant and author/researcher responds to the body map (Rose, \u003cspan class=\"CitationRef\"\u003e2016\u003c/span\u003e).\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eAnalysis of the maps began with a modified version of visual content analysis (Rose, \u003cspan class=\"CitationRef\"\u003e2016\u003c/span\u003e). This involved the development of a key for each body map, utilizing the field notes captured during the mapping process. This key was transcribed into a table for each body map, describing each symbol and colour, the location on the body map and what each symbol represents from the participants own words. For each body map, we tracked between the visual key and narrative summaries, looking for embodied narrative themes using several prompts;\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003cul\u003e\n \u003cli\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eWho are the embodied selves that the artist is representing?\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003c/li\u003e\n \u003cli\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eHow do these selves relate to their injury stories?\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003c/li\u003e\n \u003cli\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eHow do the images on the map give form to the artists injury and pain experience?\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003c/li\u003e\n \u003cli\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eWhat are the points of divergence and intersection between the body map and narrative?\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003c/li\u003e\n \u003cli\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eWhat do the images reveal about embodied experiences that may be hidden or difficult to access?\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003c/li\u003e\n \u003c/ul\u003e\n\u003c/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv id=\"Sec11\" class=\"Section2\"\u003e\n \u003ch2\u003eNarrative Analysis\u003c/h2\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eThe analysis of the narrative interview followed several stages beginning with the construction of first-person narratives.\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eAfter these were member checked, the analysis involved a process of meaning condensation (Brinkman \u0026amp; Kvale, 2015). While coding breaks down a text into smaller units, meaning interpretation may extend the original text by adding hermeneutic layers that enable the researcher to understand meaning (p. 231).\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eThe narratives were read through several times by both authors. The first author then generated natural meaning units within the text as expressed by the participants. Next, the theme that dominated a natural meaning unit was restated by the first author. These themes were then cross checked by the second author. The first author then re-read each narrative, engaging in an iterative process of meaning condensation grounded in the philosophical hermeneutic tradition (Diekelman \u0026amp; Ironside, 2006). The goal of this process was to understand meaning and to make sense of experience, uncovering what it means \u003cem\u003eto be\u003c/em\u003e as it shows up or reveals itself through the story (Vandermause \u0026amp; Fleming, \u003cspan class=\"CitationRef\"\u003e2011\u003c/span\u003e).\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003c/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv id=\"Sec12\" class=\"Section2\"\u003e\n \u003ch2\u003eRepresentations of Pain \u0026amp; Injury\u003c/h2\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eThe participant\u0026rsquo;s told stories were positioned within an embodied framework, bringing their corporeal subjectivities to the foreground through their stories and artwork.\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eAll of the interviews followed a temporal sequence until the injury story. Once participants were asked about their injury, temporality ceased as the narrative became centred around corporeal moments of being, characterised by pain and suffering. For nearly all participants, this point of interruption was represented by points of divergence and multiple layers of meaning across narrative and visual material. We focussed on notable representations of liminality, as well as unspoken emotional processes and historical traumas revealed through the pain of injury. We were also interested in how the participants embodied subjectivities seemed to shift in response to injury and contributed to new ways of being in their social worlds. Stories of recovery and healing were also identified, alongside representations of fear and hope.\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eThe art works and verbal narratives for each participant were merged into a vivid and revealing story, with notable points of intersection and divergence. Together, the art works and verbal stories gave \u0026lsquo;voice\u0026rsquo; to each other culminating in vulnerable and compelling stories of liminality, duality and existential struggle.\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eThe eight merged stories were then compared, with common images and themes identified. By combining these rich somatic stories of injury and pain, plot lines were delicately woven throughout preserving the lived experience of each artist. This meant that each story could be represented within and between these plots as an embodied whole, as opposed to pulling apart narratives and identifying themes to create a disembodied interpretation.\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003cp\u003ePseudonyms were used throughout to maintain confidentiality, and a selection of images are presented to enhance the readers engagement with the ultra-runners lived experiences of injury. The results are presented as plot lines and narrative tropes to demonstrate the fluidity of shifting subjectivities and polyphony.\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eThe master and sub-plot lines we identified are;\u003c/p\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\n \u003cp\u003e1. Body-self transformation\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003cdiv\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\n \u003cp\u003ea. The disciplined and lean body\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003c/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eb. Running away from former ways of being\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003c/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\n \u003cp\u003ec.Seeking to be seen and whole\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003c/span\u003e\u003c/div\u003e\n \u003cp\u003e\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003c/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\n \u003cp\u003e2. Machina Carnis\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003cdiv\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\n \u003cp\u003ea. Corporeal betrayal\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003c/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eb. Modern Automata makers\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003c/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\n \u003cp\u003ec. Fortis Corporis\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003c/span\u003e\u003c/div\u003e\n \u003cp\u003e\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003c/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\n \u003cp\u003e3. Senescence\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003cdiv\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\n \u003cp\u003ea. Running out of time\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003c/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eb. Playing with death\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003c/span\u003e\u003c/div\u003e\n \u003cp\u003e\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003c/span\u003e\n\u003c/div\u003e"},{"header":"RESULTS","content":"\u003cp\u003eSix of the eight participants referred to the interview and body mapping process as therapeutic. When asked further, they all explained that they had never before had the opportunity to both \u0026lsquo;see\u0026rsquo; and \u0026lsquo;think\u0026rsquo; about their body in this way. These comments provided early insight into how participants made sense of the research process, and that they were able to embrace what was being asked of them.\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eOur analysis of the artworks and narratives revealed three main narrative plots, each with a number of sub-plots. We followed these plot lines through each of the merged narratives. The result was a layered analysis and rich polyphony drawing on themes representing the embodied experiences of these injured athletes.\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003cdiv id=\"Sec14\" class=\"Section2\"\u003e\n \u003ch2\u003eImpact of COVID-19\u003c/h2\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eThe interviews were conducted in 2020 and 2021. During this time, the COVID-19 Pandemic resulted in several \u0026lsquo;lockdowns\u0026rsquo; with people being encouraged to stay at home.\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eAll runners indicated that their running had been impacted by COVID-19 at the time of the study with five runners having had events cancelled during the past 12 months. One runner had recently recovered from COVID-19 at the time of the interview.\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eThree runners described their current injury in the context of over training due to postponed and cancelled events resulting from lockdowns. They explained that when an event was postponed, they would continue training, often rolling into the next event. This meant they did not rest and recover. They explained that this overtraining was a contributing factor to their injury.\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eTwo runners explained that running during lockdowns was the way they managed experiences of feeling trapped and imprisoned, and the daily stress of managing home schooling and family dynamics. Once runner explained that this led to over training on hard surfaces as she was not able to access her usual trails.\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003c/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv id=\"Sec15\" class=\"Section2\"\u003e\n \u003ch2\u003eBody-self Transformation\u003c/h2\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eSeveral participants spoke about running as a vehicle for self-transformation and a way of seeking different ways of being. For some this appears to be driven by a desire to run away from an unhappy life, while for others it\u0026rsquo;s about searching for something more. To be seen and to experience a different way of being after disappearing into child rearing and family sacrifice.\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eFor some participants, running is a way of achieving a fit and lean body. By objectifying their body and submitting to the disciplinary effects of running, these participants can be witnessed and endorsed by others as belonging to a subculture shaped by discourses of endurance and strength. A corporeal awakening after a period of bodily disappearance.\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eInjury confronts this process in various ways, and brings up unwanted reflections of former selves along with fears about the future, regret at what could have been and grief about what has been lost. What results is a questioning about present selves, and a reluctance to move towards a future which feels uncertain.\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eThrough persistent chronic pain and multiple injuries, Chantel\u0026rsquo;s body map illustrates a determination and desire to be seen as strong. However, her embodied experience continues to challenge this transformation (Fig. \u003cspan class=\"InternalRef\"\u003e1\u003c/span\u003e)\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eWithin the Transformation plot, we identified three sub-plots;\u003c/p\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\n \u003cp\u003e1. The disciplined and lean body\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003c/span\u003e \u003cspan\u003e\n \u003cp\u003e2. Running away from former ways of being\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003c/span\u003e \u003cspan\u003e\n \u003cp\u003e3. Seeking to be seen and to be whole\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003c/span\u003e\n\u003c/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv id=\"Sec16\" class=\"Section2\"\u003e\n \u003ch2\u003eThe disciplined and lean body\u003c/h2\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eParticipants spoke about why they started running. For several, the lure of a fit and lean body pulls them into submitting to empowering ultra-running discourses (Hanold, \u003cspan class=\"CitationRef\"\u003e2010\u003c/span\u003e). Broadly speaking the disciplining effects of running go unquestioned because they are produced through desire (Hanold, \u003cspan class=\"CitationRef\"\u003e2010\u003c/span\u003e; Foucault, \u003cspan class=\"CitationRef\"\u003e1973\u003c/span\u003e). However, for several of the participants in this study, this is amplified by an additional desire to move away from an unfamiliar body-self that has experienced significant change and growth through weight gain and pregnancy. A vessel which has produced and reared offspring, that is now left empty and unfamiliar. According to Kelly, she started running;\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003cdiv class=\"BlockQuote\"\u003e\n \u003cp\u003e\u0026hellip;to get rid of the last few kilos of baby weight\u0026hellip;\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003c/div\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eKelly refers here to her determination to \u003cem\u003e\u0026lsquo;rid\u0026rsquo;\u003c/em\u003e herself from the burden of her former way of being. A suggestion of the transformation she is about to begin.\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eThe dissonance of becoming physically smaller to be seen and accepted appears to be born out of an awareness that the body-self is now empty and unfamiliar. The desire to be lean and fit, which is achieved through ultra-running for these participants seems to provide a transformation towards greater fulfillment and success. Creating new subjectivities and different ways of being.\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eLisa started running after having her children because she was \u003cem\u003e\u0026ldquo;interested in getting fit\u0026rdquo;.\u003c/em\u003e Running transformed Lisa\u0026rsquo;s body-self from a self-proclaimed \u003cem\u003e\u0026ldquo;unfit\u0026rdquo;\u003c/em\u003e wife and mum to a strong and fit ultra-runner who has successfully completed several ultra-marathons and at the time of injury, had been training for a 260km event.\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eCraig\u0026rsquo;s physical transformation took several years and began after a period of weight gain while raising his children. After gaining a significant amount of weight, his weight loss journey was triggered by a photo he saw where \u003cem\u003e\u0026ldquo;I didn\u0026rsquo;t recognise myself\u0026rdquo;.\u003c/em\u003e This jarring experience of unfamiliarity seemed to shift Craig\u0026rsquo;s awareness producing a corporeal awakening and a desire to transform his body-self.\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eChantel talks about her weight gain as being \u003cem\u003e\u0026ldquo;pretty challenging\u003c/em\u003e\u0026rdquo;. She refers to a 10kg weight gain since injury and the difficulty she is experiencing in losing weight. Chantel smiled as she explained;\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003cp\u003e\u003cem\u003e\u0026ldquo;I\u0026rsquo;ve lost 5 kilos in the past couple of weeks, so I can see I\u0026rsquo;m getting back into the swing of things\u0026rdquo;.\u003c/em\u003e\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eGaining weight for Chantel represented a shift back to a former self. The relief she experienced in losing weight was visible in her body language. Her smile, relaxed shoulders and playful tone of voice. The relief of swinging back towards a strong and lean body-self. (Fig. \u003cspan class=\"InternalRef\"\u003e2\u003c/span\u003e)\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eFor one participant, the desire to transform her body-self through running returns her to past experiences of emotional pain, restriction and self-loathing;\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003cp\u003e\u003cem\u003e\u0026ldquo;I can look in the mirror and think I\u0026rsquo;m totally overweight after not running for one day. I know this is ridiculous but that\u0026rsquo;s where my mind is sometimes\u0026rdquo;.\u003c/em\u003e\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eAny pause in Kelly\u0026rsquo;s running journey confronts her with her suffering former self, manifested through body dissatisfaction and self-loathing. This experience produces her desire to keep moving away from this past pain. A fit and lean body represents Kelly\u0026rsquo;s ongoing resistance to past trauma and suffering and her transformation into a strong and resilient body-self.\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003c/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv id=\"Sec17\" class=\"Section2\"\u003e\n \u003ch2\u003eRunning away from former ways of being\u003c/h2\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eSome participants described running as a way of achieving more fulfilling subjectivities. This appears to be driven by unhappiness and a desire for something more and different. Possibly the most extreme example of this is Craig. After a marriage breakdown, many years as a business owner and retired elite footballer, Craig began running and completely changed his life;\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003cp\u003e\u003cem\u003e\u0026ldquo;I just did the whole kahuna life change. But it wasn\u0026rsquo;t just about the running, I think it was more about\u0026hellip;I didn\u0026rsquo;t like life, being what I was\u0026rdquo;.\u003c/em\u003e\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eUltra-running provided Craig with a purpose and a direction. It allowed him to experience an alternative way of being from \u003cem\u003e\u0026ldquo;drinking beer, having too many BBQ\u0026rsquo;s and not being active enough\u0026rdquo; to\u003c/em\u003e someone who travels the world competing in ultra-marathons, and is a sought-after running coach.\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003cp\u003e\u003cem\u003e\u0026ldquo;I changed my whole life. Gave up work. Had a business for 27 years. That was 4 years ago\u0026rdquo;.\u003c/em\u003e\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eThe liminality caused by injury has hijacked Craig\u0026rsquo;s newly founded indelible subjectivity. His lengthy battle with multiple injuries has forced Craig to confront what he gave up, resulting in fluctuating and alternating experiences of denial, persistence and regret;\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003cdiv class=\"BlockQuote\"\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eTo be honest, I probably gave up the business two to three years too early\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eI think with ultra-running you\u0026rsquo;re always injured. It\u0026rsquo;s just a case of how injured are you?\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003c/div\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eNaomi describes running as a way to \u003cem\u003e\u0026ldquo;better myself\u0026rdquo;.\u003c/em\u003e Her experience of being \u003cem\u003e\u0026ldquo;pretty good at this\u003c/em\u003e\u0026rdquo; and of being seen by others in the running community as a competent runner has offered Naomi an alternative way of being, an internalised experience of being successful and accomplished.\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eNaomi\u0026rsquo;s body map represents current and former ways of being. Both existing in the one body, with Naomi\u0026rsquo;s current suffering hidden underneath her performative running self (Fig. \u003cspan class=\"InternalRef\"\u003e3\u003c/span\u003ea \u0026amp; \u003cspan class=\"InternalRef\"\u003e3\u003c/span\u003eb).\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eThe confronting experience of injury, and an uncertain running future has since shifted Naomi\u0026rsquo;s subjectivity. She describes chronic anxiety, insomnia and a temporary marriage separation at a time when she felt unable to put meaning to her physical pain.\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eInjury has injected fear and doubt into Naomi\u0026rsquo;s transformation.\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eFor one participant, his desire for transformation has its genesis in an idealised representation of a former body-self. According to James;\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003cp\u003e\u003cem\u003e\u0026ldquo;I\u0026rsquo;ve always been a runner, but I struggled with the discipline when I was young\u0026rdquo;.\u003c/em\u003e After having a family and spending years building on running longer distances, James is determined to transform into a version of his former self. \u003cem\u003e\u0026ldquo;This time, I went into it [100km training] incredibly disciplined\u0026rdquo;.\u003c/em\u003e\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eFor James, discipline is the ingredient that he believes will transform him into a successful ultra-runner. However recurring knee injuries where \u003cem\u003e\u0026ldquo;my knee just collapses under me\u0026rdquo;\u003c/em\u003e has threatened to collapse his hopes for an ultra-running future (Fig. \u003cspan class=\"InternalRef\"\u003e4\u003c/span\u003e).\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eDespite this, he remains determined to progress towards his transformation;\u003cem\u003e\u0026ldquo;I still want to believe. I\u0026rsquo;ve convinced myself to maintain the belief that I can do it [100km event]\u0026rdquo;\u003c/em\u003e\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003c/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv id=\"Sec18\" class=\"Section2\"\u003e\n \u003ch2\u003eSeeking to be seen and to be whole\u003c/h2\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eSeveral participants describe the sacrifices and self-lessness of raising children and managing the demands of a family. Craig refers to this as a time when;\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003cp\u003e\u003cem\u003e\u0026ldquo;\u0026hellip;you can forget about your life, or your life takes a back seat. Your life goes missing for a while\u0026rdquo;.\u003c/em\u003e\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eJames refers to his love of the outdoors, and of multi-day treks which led him into trail running. However, he states that;\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003cp\u003e\u003cem\u003e\u0026ldquo;I ended up moving away from that because of the family life\u0026rdquo;.\u003c/em\u003e\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eKelly spoke about moving to Australia from England 22 years ago. Being away from her family and friends, Kelly started a family and immersed herself into motherhood. Her running journey initially began as a way of developing social connections after a period of disappearing into her family. Initially describing running as something which \u003cem\u003e\u0026ldquo;really really hurt\u0026rdquo;\u003c/em\u003e, Kelly found that;\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003cp\u003e\u003cem\u003e\u0026ldquo;when I started running with people who actually just wanted to run and talk was when I really started to enjoy it\u0026rdquo;.\u003c/em\u003e\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eRunning offered Kelly a way of being seen and a (re)introduction to the social world post motherhood. This enabled her to transcend existing subjectivities. Transformation towards a socially connected self.\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eAfter having her third baby, a personal trainer encouraged Lisa to begin her running journey. After running several ultra-marathons, she describes;\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003cp\u003e\u003cem\u003e\u0026ldquo;I love feeling physically strong. I love the confidence that comes with training and seeing yourself progress\u0026rdquo;.\u003c/em\u003e\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eLisa\u0026rsquo;s transformation towards strength and confidence also evolved after a period of motherhood and bodily disappearance. For Lisa, progress is suggestive of a journey, a changing body resulting in shifting subjectivities from invisibility to embodied strength.\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eLisa\u0026rsquo;s body map illustrates her desire to be seen, with friends and family all watching and supporting at her shoulders (Fig. \u003cspan class=\"InternalRef\"\u003e5\u003c/span\u003e).\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eLauren explains how she started \u003cem\u003e\u0026ldquo;the serious running\u0026rdquo;\u003c/em\u003e after having her second child.\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003cp\u003e\u003cem\u003e\u0026ldquo;I ran my first marathon when he was just six months old\u0026rdquo;.\u003c/em\u003e\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eWhat followed for Lauren was an embodied transformation interrupted by injury. Through the mirror of injury Lauren has been confronted with past traumas which threaten to unravel her body-self transformation (Fig. \u003cspan class=\"InternalRef\"\u003e6\u003c/span\u003e).\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eRecently, her steadfast determination has begun to buckle under the weight of her past emotional pain resulting in her seeking the support of a Psychologist.\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003cp\u003e\u003cspan type=\"Underline\" class=\"Underline\" name=\"Emphasis\"\u003eMachina Carnis\u003c/span\u003e (Black \u003cspan class=\"CitationRef\"\u003e2014\u003c/span\u003e).\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eThe mechanistic view of the body brought about by anatomy, requires that the body be understood as a closed system that can be explained according to discrete internal subsystems. However, the body as it appears to embodied human perception is a single entity that functions as an interface with its environment and other bodies. A site of exchange and interaction (Black, \u003cspan class=\"CitationRef\"\u003e2014\u003c/span\u003e)\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eIn activities founded upon searching and surpassing one\u0026rsquo;s limits, the body becomes an alter ego. An adversary forced into submission to obtain a performance from it (Le Breton, 2000). For the ultra-running body, this takes the form of an athletic machine, a body project built to endure and surpass human-like qualities like fatigue and exhaustion.\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eWhen injured, the body emerges as an alien presence, causing participants to engage in first person body alienation resisting parts of the body that are causing pain (Lev, \u003cspan class=\"CitationRef\"\u003e2020\u003c/span\u003e). In this context, the body-machine becomes a useful meaning making metaphor. This protects discursive constructions of the ultra-running self by resisting threats of vulnerability. What ensues is a project involving the gathering and selective internalisation of expert (medical) information, with the aim of rebuilding the machine.\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eWithin the Machina Carnis plot, we identified three subplots;\u003c/p\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\n \u003cp\u003e1. Corporeal betrayal\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003c/span\u003e \u003cspan\u003e\n \u003cp\u003e2. Modern Automata Makers\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003c/span\u003e \u003cspan\u003e\n \u003cp\u003e3. Fortis Corporis\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003c/span\u003e\n \u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eCorporeal betrayal\u003c/strong\u003e\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eJames refers to a time pre-injury when he would submit to his body\u0026rsquo;s intentions;\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003cp\u003e\u003cem\u003e\u0026ldquo;When you go running, you just let your body tell you what you should be doing today\u0026rdquo;.\u003c/em\u003e The machine is in charge, and the mind submits to its will. However this relationship is significantly fractured when the machine fails or breaks.\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eFor Craig, first person body alienation is demonstrated by his body-machine \u0026lsquo;speaking\u0026rsquo; to him when it breaks;\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003cdiv class=\"BlockQuote\"\u003e\n \u003cp\u003ethe body just said nope, I\u0026rsquo;m not happy with you anymore and you have to pay the price\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003c/div\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eThe price being to stop running. The machina carnis (Black, \u003cspan class=\"CitationRef\"\u003e2014\u003c/span\u003e) stops working. While Craig demonstrates the consequences of pushing the body-machine beyond what it can do, limitations can be confronting as the hope for many participants is to push beyond them and keep going. Craig\u0026rsquo;s body map shows a clear separation between his mind and body, both represented in contrasting colours of yellow and green (Fig. \u003cspan class=\"InternalRef\"\u003e7\u003c/span\u003e).\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eKelly talks about what she believes is required to compete in ultra-marathons;\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003cp\u003e\u003cem\u003e\u0026ldquo;you need to just push beyond what you know you\u0026rsquo;re capable of and have faith in your mind and body\u0026rdquo;.\u003c/em\u003e\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eWhen the body-machine breaks however, all faith is lost. The machine can no longer be trusted as it has made known it\u0026rsquo;s limitations.\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eFor some participants, pain signals potential limitations of the body-machine. This brings up fear and denial;\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003cp\u003e\u003cem\u003e\u0026ldquo;I felt absolute pain and then I was like, it\u0026rsquo;s not there. And then is just disappeared. So I kept running\u0026rdquo;.\u003c/em\u003e\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eKelly spoke about her ability to \u0026ldquo;\u003cem\u003eblock it [pain] out\u003c/em\u003e\u0026rdquo; denying the faltering machine, and flipping the dynamic by empowering the mind to take back control of the machine.\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eKelly\u0026rsquo;s body map illustrates a strong mind, built over time, allowing her to dissociate from pain altogether (Fig. \u003cspan class=\"InternalRef\"\u003e8\u003c/span\u003e).\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eRick\u0026rsquo;s powerful portrayal of resistance can be seen in his body map, with words and phrases all sitting outside his body. Rick experienced significant difficulty emplacing his experiences onto his body map. Stating \u003cem\u003e\u0026lsquo;I just don\u0026rsquo;t know where to start\u003c/em\u003e\u0026rsquo;. He then proceeded to talk about his pet bird explaining that \u003cem\u003e\u0026lsquo;he can\u0026rsquo;t fly because his wing has been clipped\u0026rsquo;\u003c/em\u003e. Rick then painted amber coloured circles within his body representing his worry and anxiety (Fig. \u003cspan class=\"InternalRef\"\u003e9\u003c/span\u003e). Rick speaks about \u003cem\u003e\u0026ldquo;being used to pain\u0026rdquo;\u003c/em\u003e, and of \u003cem\u003e\u0026ldquo;pain being my guide\u0026rdquo;.\u003c/em\u003e His relationship with pain built over many years of ultra-running. For Rick, the machine \u003cstrong\u003emust\u003c/strong\u003e be indelible, because as he states; \u003cem\u003e\u0026ldquo;not running does my head in\u0026rdquo;.\u003c/em\u003e The confronting reality of a faulty machine-body is too much to bear, and so Rick\u0026rsquo;s resistance enables him to continue running.\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eExperiencing pain as being outside of his body allows Rick to make decisions, remaining in control.\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eNaomi\u0026rsquo;s metaphor of a mannequin visually illustrates her helplessness at the moment of injury;\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003cp\u003e\u003cem\u003e\u0026ldquo;In that moment I just feel helpless. Like if you were to pull a mannequin out of the clothing and the clothing just falls to the floor. I feel like that\u0026rsquo;s it. The bone structure\u0026rsquo;s gone and I just feel deflated\u0026rdquo;.\u003c/em\u003e\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eNaomi refers to a sudden and dramatic shift in corporeal subjectivity, of lacking structure and of crumbling and vanishing. A stark contrast to her former way of being. What remains are the symbols of what once was, running symbols that represent Naomi\u0026rsquo;s running-self. (as seen in Fig. \u003cspan class=\"InternalRef\"\u003e3\u003c/span\u003ea).\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eJames spoke about experiencing problems \u0026lsquo;trusting\u0026rsquo; his body since injury;\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003cdiv class=\"BlockQuote\"\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eI\u0026rsquo;m really struggling with that trust element, and then I\u0026rsquo;ve got these two friends who are physio\u0026rsquo;s telling me to just stop running\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003c/div\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eJames refers to the liminality of being injured and the uncertainty of his running future. His distrust in his body has allowed for the opinions of others to seep into his subjective experience.\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eChantel chooses to surrender her body to the opinions of health professionals;\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003cp\u003e\u003cem\u003e\u0026ldquo;I\u0026rsquo;ve pulled out of UTA before and sold my ticket because my physio said don\u0026rsquo;t do it. And I\u0026rsquo;ve spent money to see him, it\u0026rsquo;s a trust thing\u0026rdquo;.\u003c/em\u003e\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eLisa believes that she doesn\u0026rsquo;t need to trust her body;\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003cp\u003e\u003cem\u003e\u0026ldquo;I don\u0026rsquo;t think I trust my body, but I don\u0026rsquo;t feel like I need to\u0026rdquo;.\u003c/em\u003e\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eLisa also states that she has a physiotherapist who \u003cem\u003e\u0026ldquo;I trust and think is pretty good\u003c/em\u003e\u0026rdquo;. Lisa also makes frequent references to a number of personal trainers and experts who she believes have helped her rebuild her body-self post-mothering. Corporeal surrendering, and submitting to medical discourse.\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eAfter many months of intermittent knee swelling and pain, James spoke about losing trust in his body and in his ability to manage his injuries.\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003cdiv class=\"BlockQuote\"\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eI need to trust that that niggle that I\u0026rsquo;m feeling can be managed\u0026hellip;.but I\u0026rsquo;m really struggling with that trust element. Am I able to make this work?\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003c/div\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eJames is plagued by questions and uncertainty, fluctuating between his former running self and an uncertain running future (Fig. \u003cspan class=\"InternalRef\"\u003e10\u003c/span\u003e).\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eModern Automata Makers\u003c/strong\u003e (Black \u003cspan class=\"CitationRef\"\u003e2014\u003c/span\u003e)\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eWhile originally designed to reproduce the \u003cem\u003eappearance\u003c/em\u003e of living things since classical Greek times, in the eighteenth century automata evolved into actual simulations created to reproduce physiology (Black, \u003cspan class=\"CitationRef\"\u003e2014\u003c/span\u003e).\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eAutomata makers found ways to replicate aspects of living creatures, generating insight into the inner workings of the human body (Black, \u003cspan class=\"CitationRef\"\u003e2014\u003c/span\u003e). Their over simplified demonstrations rested on the perception that all human functions could be mechanically represented. The implication being, that if it is a function can be replicated it can be fixed when broken.\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eMany participants in this study identify a struggle in finding the \u0026lsquo;right\u0026rsquo; professional to fix or repair their machine-body, frustrated with the limited knowledge of medical specialists. What they seek, is a modern automata maker who demonstrates an understanding of the function of the body and importantly, knows exactly how to fix it.\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eLisa spoke about her encounters with medical professionals;\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003cdiv class=\"BlockQuote\"\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eI\u0026rsquo;ve been to a range of different physio\u0026rsquo;s over the years, but I\u0026rsquo;ve got one now that I sort of trust and think is pretty good\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003c/div\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eNaomi spoke about several different diagnosis given by different specialists, until she found one who promised her relief after only one week off running.\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003cp\u003e\u003cem\u003e\u0026ldquo;What I love about this Dr is that she\u0026rsquo;s all for the cosmetic side just as much as the surgery side. It\u0026rsquo;s keyhole surgery and the incisions are tiny\u0026rdquo;.\u003c/em\u003e\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eWhat this means for Naomi, is a quick return to running.\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eCraig spoke about seeing two different specialists after a suspected tear in his meniscus;\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003cdiv class=\"BlockQuote\"\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eI went to two specialists. One said there\u0026rsquo;s a tear in there, and the other said what tear? You have some wear and tear in there but I\u0026rsquo;ll see you in four years.\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003c/div\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eCredibility is frequently questioned when the advice does not align with the participants desire to continue running;\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003cp\u003e\u003cem\u003e\u0026ldquo;This guy was most likely twice the weight he should be, and he told me at my age I shouldn\u0026rsquo;t be running. And I\u0026rsquo;m looking at him going man you should lose 60kg at least\u0026rdquo;.\u003c/em\u003e\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eRick was quick to find a reason not to adhere to the advice of one GP who instructed him to stop running.\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eWhen Kelly was confronted by a GP who told her she should decrease her running after fracturing her sacrum in two places, she stated;\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003cdiv class=\"BlockQuote\"\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eno disrespect to her but she didn\u0026rsquo;t look like she did fitness and didn\u0026rsquo;t look like she was sporty. I think she was teaching herself about it as we were going through the process.\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003c/div\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eInstead, Kelly chose a health professional recommended by a friend who also runs. Despite admitting the person she was seeing was \u003cem\u003e\u0026ldquo;not a qualified doctor\u0026rdquo;.\u003c/em\u003e, she stated that \u003cem\u003e\u0026ldquo;they have a lot more awareness of the physical body and how it works with running\u0026rdquo;.\u003c/em\u003e This particular specialist supported Kelly\u0026rsquo;s decision to continue running with her lower back pain.\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eSome participants feel validated when the medical advice is \u0026lsquo;proven\u0026rsquo; to be wrong. Rick competed in a 260km ultra-marathon just six months after reconstructive knee surgery. His surgeon told him would be \u003cem\u003e\u0026ldquo;lucky to be able to run 5km\u0026rdquo;.\u003c/em\u003e However as Rick explained;\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003cdiv class=\"BlockQuote\"\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eI proved him wrong\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003c/div\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eOther participants rely on internalised medical discourse to directly question medical advice.\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eAfter visiting a doctor following her constant pain in her lower back, Naomi was not convinced that the diagnosis was correct;\u003cem\u003e\u0026ldquo;I don\u0026rsquo;t think that was the cause of my problem.\u0026rdquo;\u003c/em\u003e\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eInstead, Naomi continued running until the pain became unbearable. Then she went to see a different specialist and received another diagnosis. According to the MRI scan she had an L5 disk tear in her back. After looking at her own MRI scans, and taking note of a small fibroid on her uterus, Naomi was still distrustful. After seeing two different gynaecologists, she was finally happy with the diagnosis and solution.\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003cp\u003e\u003cem\u003e\u0026ldquo;I decided to go down the route of a hysterectomy. I feel like this is the answer to my problems\u0026rdquo;.\u003c/em\u003e\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eNaomi\u0026rsquo;s Body Map illustrates her frustration and anger, embodied in her injury experience and existing alongside her [final] relief at obtaining what she feels is the correct diagnosis (Fig. \u003cspan class=\"InternalRef\"\u003e11\u003c/span\u003e)\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eJames spoke about two of his friends who are physiotherapists. Both have told him he shouldn\u0026rsquo;t be running due to his meniscus tears in both knees.\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003cdiv class=\"BlockQuote\"\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eBut this physio I\u0026rsquo;m with knows there\u0026rsquo;s no point in saying that. He says I\u0026rsquo;m just going to give you the best guidance I can to allow you to give this the best shot\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eSo I do really enjoy going to this particular physio\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003c/div\u003e\n \u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eFortis Corporis\u003c/strong\u003e (Muller \u003cspan class=\"CitationRef\"\u003e2017\u003c/span\u003e)\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eMany participants responded to the challenge of injury by (re)building stronger bodies than before. For some, this involved a resistance to the body-machine metaphor, or \u003cem\u003emachina carnis\u003c/em\u003e and a fleshy corporeal experience of building strength. \u003cem\u003eFortis Corporis\u003c/em\u003e (Muller, \u003cspan class=\"CitationRef\"\u003e2017\u003c/span\u003e).\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eBefore beginning her body-map Lisa referred to her body as Kintsugi, the traditional Japanese art of repairing broken cracked pottery using lacquer and gold.\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003cp\u003e\u003cem\u003e\u0026ldquo;I feel like through injury, my body is stronger than before. Like the stretch marks I have from having my kids. They have made me stronger and my body more beautiful\u0026rdquo;.\u003c/em\u003e\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eThe symmetry between Lisa\u0026rsquo;s physical scars from having children and her running injury \u0026lsquo;scars\u0026rsquo; reflect different subjectivities, both contributing to an embodied strength and beauty. On her body-map hidden beneath a black opaque fa\u0026ccedil;ade are golden stars representing the sites of pain and injury (Fig. \u003cspan class=\"InternalRef\"\u003e12\u003c/span\u003e).\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eSeveral participants refer to a process of rebuilding post-injury, with an embodied strength intended to transcend the limits of the body-machine.\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eRick, when referring to his recovery post knee reconstruction; \u003cem\u003e\u0026ldquo;I built it up slowly\u0026rdquo;\u003c/em\u003e Through this build Rick described an iterative process of attuning and responding to pain, like the early stages of a new relationship.\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eWhen talking about her looming hysterectomy to remove a large fibroid pressing on her sacrum, Naomi relies on her running coach to help (re)build her running body-self;\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003cdiv class=\"BlockQuote\"\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eTerry will build me properly\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003c/div\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eChantel, diagnosed with fibromyalgia refers to a consistent journey of building strength to avoid \u003cem\u003e\u0026ldquo;being in a wheelchair by the time I\u0026rsquo;m 60\u0026rdquo;.\u003c/em\u003e Each building block feels unstable as the threat of sickness is an ever-present cloud threatening to rain down on her progress.\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eChantel is very aware of the limitations of her body-machine and so her focus is on maintenance as opposed to (re)building.\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eKelly refers to the importance of strength training to protect her body-machine;\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003cp\u003e\u003cem\u003e\u0026ldquo;I always have pain when I run, but I know when I\u0026rsquo;m going to the gym regularly the pain is less, and I just feel stronger and faster\u0026rdquo;.\u003c/em\u003e\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eAlthough Kelly states \u003cem\u003e\u0026ldquo;my mind has always been strong\u003c/em\u003e\u0026rdquo;. She refers to her pained body as a project that is out of alignment with her mind. Something she repeatedly tries to \u003cem\u003e\u0026ldquo;block out\u003c/em\u003e\u0026rdquo;.\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eThe fragility and vulnerability Kelly experiences in her body is a confronting reflection of her mother\u0026rsquo;s fragility when she was younger, as she explains her mother\u0026rsquo;s battle with suicide and mental health.\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eKelly\u0026rsquo;s resistance is to build her body-machine to align with her experience of having a \u003cem\u003e\u0026ldquo;resistance and resilience to be able to cope with stuff and just push through it\u0026rdquo;.\u003c/em\u003e (Fig. \u003cspan class=\"InternalRef\"\u003e13\u003c/span\u003e).\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003c/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv id=\"Sec19\" class=\"Section2\"\u003e\n \u003ch2\u003eSenescence: The deteriorating and ageing body\u003c/h2\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eSenescence is a term borrowed from evolutionary biology explaining the inevitable, time-dependent accumulation of damage at the molecular level (Carnes \u0026amp; Olshansky, \u003cspan class=\"CitationRef\"\u003e1993\u003c/span\u003e p. 795), or more simply referred to as \u003cem\u003ebiological\u003c/em\u003e ageing. A process that makes itself known via a changing and deteriorating body; wrinkles, grey hair, muscle atrophy and loss of mobility. An ominous signifier of helplessness and dependency (Paulson, \u003cspan class=\"CitationRef\"\u003e2005\u003c/span\u003e). Participants in this study actively seek to resist this process through the disciplinary effects of ultra-running. However, their attempts at running away from their ageing body are interrupted when injured. Injury forces them to confront embodied experiences of ageing, resulting in complex and fluctuating experiences of existential anxiety.\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eWithin the Senescence plot we identified two sub plots;\u003c/p\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\n \u003cp\u003e1. Running out of time\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003c/span\u003e \u003cspan\u003e\n \u003cp\u003e2. Playing with death\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003c/span\u003e\n\u003c/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv id=\"Sec20\" class=\"Section2\"\u003e\n \u003ch2\u003eRunning out of time\u003c/h2\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eFor several participants, injury signals a confronting awareness of a body that is ageing. Running represents a way to remain agile, powerful and youthful. An active resistance to a body weathered and worn down by life. However when injured, the corporeal and fleshy reality of a deteriorating body is met with experiences of existential angst. For some, the seduction of denial allows them to resist the inevitability of their ageing and failing body, at least for the time being. For these participants, a looming sense of running out of time shapes their subjectivities reproducing endurance and \u0026lsquo;digging in\u0026rsquo; discourses (Hockey \u0026amp; Allen Collinson, \u003cspan class=\"CitationRef\"\u003e2016\u003c/span\u003e).\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eFor James, each decade is marked by an endurance running goal. A resistance to a body ravaged by another decade.\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003cdiv class=\"BlockQuote\"\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eI had a goal before I turned 40 to do a marathon\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003c/div\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eA torn meniscus robbed James from completing his goal. Nearly a decade on and James invented another goal;\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003cp\u003e\u0026ldquo;\u003cem\u003eWith my 50th coming up I signed up for the 100km (UTA). Again, it\u0026rsquo;s like turning 50, I\u0026rsquo;m getting old and life is short\u0026rdquo;.\u003c/em\u003e\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eIn between these goals when James\u0026rsquo; body provides him with the means to run, it transports him back to his youthful past;\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003cp\u003e\u003cem\u003e\u0026ldquo;So this is dangerous territory for me. I start to think this is fun. I could go back to my youth when athletics was everything and I was the cross country captain at school\u0026rdquo;.\u003c/em\u003e\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eThe liminality of a suffering body that defies his youthful past, pressures James to confront new hopes and possibilities. A reluctance to submit to the carnal reality of his ageing lived body.\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003cdiv class=\"BlockQuote\"\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eI just want to be able to bush walk until I\u0026rsquo;m 80 or as old as I can\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003c/div\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eRick stated that he had researched the benefits of endurance running. Although admitting that endurance running may not be \u0026lsquo;good\u0026rsquo; for the body and the heart, he reaches the conclusion that;\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003cp\u003e\u003cem\u003e\u0026ldquo;I want to believe that I will live 15 years longer. I look 15 years younger than I am anyway\u0026rdquo;.\u003c/em\u003e\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eFor Rick, running provides the means to defer the inevitability of his mortality. A gift far worth the price of any physical damage endured in the process.\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eNaomi derives a sense of achievement and power from running fast. Injury forced her to flirt briefly with her ageing embodiment;\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003cdiv class=\"BlockQuote\"\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eI thought for a moment that at 41, have I reached my prime?\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003c/div\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eBefore returning to a corporeal experience defined through physical endurance discourses;\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003cdiv class=\"BlockQuote\"\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eI feel like my body is as strong as an ox, so I think there\u0026rsquo;s still many years of running fast out of me yet.\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003c/div\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eNaomi settles on the belief that after her hysterectomy she will return to her former running self because her injury \u003cem\u003e\u0026ldquo;is something else beyond any running control\u0026rdquo;.\u003c/em\u003e\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eLauren refers to a choice she made after several injuries to be a \u003cem\u003e\u0026lsquo;mature\u003c/em\u003e\u0026rsquo; runner, by resisting performance discourses and \u003cem\u003e\u0026lsquo;slowing down\u0026rsquo;\u003c/em\u003e her running pace to preserve a body that has weathered several injuries. In doing so, Lauren also hopes to slow down the process of ageing. A delicately drawn flower over her heart represents Lauren\u0026rsquo;s love of ultra-running. Much like the body, an organic structure that also deteriorates with time (Fig. \u003cspan class=\"InternalRef\"\u003e14\u003c/span\u003e).\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003c/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv id=\"Sec21\" class=\"Section2\"\u003e\n \u003ch2\u003ePlaying with Death\u003c/h2\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eBeing-toward-death is considered the most authentic human experience according to Heidegger (\u003cspan class=\"CitationRef\"\u003e1978\u003c/span\u003e). While most dwell in forgetfulness, ultra-runners are confronted with their mortality through the anxiety attached to pain and injury.\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eRick stated that the only two reasons he would pull out of a race is permanent injury or death. While in hospital following an acute respiratory event during one race, he thought \u003cem\u003e\u0026ldquo;I want to see my wife and kids. I don\u0026rsquo;t want to die\u0026rdquo;.\u003c/em\u003e\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eFor Rick, coming close to and avoiding permanent injury and death on several occasions throws him into an anxiety which he has become familiar with. A confrontation of choice and taking ownership of his existence and being-in-the-world (Heidegger, \u003cspan class=\"CitationRef\"\u003e1978\u003c/span\u003e).\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eFaced with the uncertainty of his injury, Rick began to contemplate what he described as the \u003cem\u003e\u0026lsquo;ultimate sacrifice\u0026rsquo;\u003c/em\u003e to continue running. A reminder of the one limit that cannot be surpassed (LeBreton, \u003cspan class=\"CitationRef\"\u003e2000\u003c/span\u003e).\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003cp\u003e\u003cem\u003e\u0026ldquo;We\u0026rsquo;re not racing for cattle stations or anything it\u0026rsquo;s only for ourselves. So there is no point in going to the extreme of dying\u0026rdquo;.\u003c/em\u003e\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eRick\u0026rsquo;s playful and sarcastic tone resembles a level of comfort and confidence is his choices, in seeing and avoiding his own mortality. However, it is also a reminder of an inevitability that is too much to bear;\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003cp\u003e\u003cem\u003e\u0026ldquo;I don\u0026rsquo;t think about being unable to run again, I just don\u0026rsquo;t go there\u0026rdquo;.\u003c/em\u003e\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eChantel describes a body riddled with illness related impairments, from fibromyalgia and patellar tendinopathy to high blood pressure and heart problems. When she was diagnosed with fibromyalgia several years ago she was told by her medical specialist that \u003cem\u003e\u0026ldquo;if things don\u0026rsquo;t change you won\u0026rsquo;t make it to 50 years, and if you do you will be in a wheelchair unable to walk\u0026rdquo;.\u003c/em\u003e\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eChantel\u0026rsquo;s running journey is sustained by a desire to stay mobile and alive. For her running is a stark reminder of what she is actively resisting; a disabled body.\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eFrom literal death to a metaphorical death represented through the liminality of injury and an uncertain running future, several participants described an existential anxiety when the everyday absorption in, and familiarity of the world collapses (Heidegger, \u003cspan class=\"CitationRef\"\u003e1978\u003c/span\u003e).\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eFor Craig, COVID and injury have forced him to confront the limitations of an ageing body, and the possibility of a looming future with no ultra-running;\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003cp\u003e\u003cem\u003e\u0026ldquo;So I\u0026rsquo;m 56 in 4 months, I think by 60 it could all be over\u0026rdquo;.\u003c/em\u003e\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eDespite a growing awareness of the limitations imposed by an ageing body, the body life transformation that running enabled Craig is a gift he is unwilling to give up;\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003cp\u003e\u003cem\u003e\u0026ldquo;I can\u0026rsquo;t think about not being able to run. I\u0026rsquo;ve made it my life, it\u0026rsquo;s what I do with my friends on the weekend\u0026rdquo;.\u003c/em\u003e\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eFor Naomi this resistance takes the form of hypothetical bargaining. Finding a physical pursuit to replace not being able to run.\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003cp\u003e\u003cem\u003e\u0026ldquo;I\u0026rsquo;d go back to playing hockey if I couldn\u0026rsquo;t run. And if I couldn\u0026rsquo;t do that, I would have to find a new goal to excel at\u0026rdquo;.\u003c/em\u003e\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eResisting the ageing body by submitting to performance discourses.\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eJames\u0026rsquo; realisation that \u003cem\u003e\u0026ldquo;life is getting short\u0026rdquo;\u003c/em\u003e leads him to resist his ageing body, avoiding a metaphorical running death by finding any way to keep moving despite the ongoing pain in his knee.\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003cdiv class=\"BlockQuote\"\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eRight now I exercise 5 days a week, and the running is about three times a week. But the swelling is still there.\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003c/div\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eKelly on the hand, contemplates the possibility of a running death;\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003cp\u003e\u003cem\u003e\u0026ldquo;I guess if I couldn\u0026rsquo;t run I would rebirth myself in some way\u0026rdquo;.\u003c/em\u003e\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003cp\u003eKelly\u0026rsquo;s reference to rebirthing is a demonstration of her resilience and resistance developed through childhood trauma and relationship breakdowns. An ability to start all over again after trauma or loss.\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003c/div\u003e"},{"header":"DISCUSSION","content":"\u003cp\u003eThe aims of this study were to understand the socio-cultural discourses that are resisted and reinforced through ultra-runners\u0026rsquo; experiences of pain and injury, and to identify difficult and/or hidden experiences that are revealed by pain and injury. Through the use of body mapping methods, embodied experiences of the injured and pained body revealed shifts in corporeal subjectivity. The visual maps allowed for a creative and reflexive process (Boydell, \u003cspan citationid=\"CR7\" class=\"CitationRef\"\u003e2021\u003c/span\u003e), producing multiple subjectivities and experiences of liminality, denial, loss and existential angst.\u003c/p\u003e \u003cp\u003eVisual symbols convey meaning in ways that elude written or verbal expressions (Boydell, \u003cspan citationid=\"CR7\" class=\"CitationRef\"\u003e2021\u003c/span\u003e). In the current study, these symbols were brought to life through verbal interviews and field notes. Visual arts-based methods allow for the channelling of events and memories, including those that have been silenced by trauma, structural oppression (Orchard, \u003cspan citationid=\"CR59\" class=\"CitationRef\"\u003e2017\u003c/span\u003e), or in this case injury.\u003c/p\u003e \u003cp\u003eUnlike traditional forms of research, art-based methods are co-created and involve different stages of production allowing for multi layered meaning (Boydell, \u003cspan citationid=\"CR7\" class=\"CitationRef\"\u003e2021\u003c/span\u003e; Orchard, \u003cspan citationid=\"CR59\" class=\"CitationRef\"\u003e2017\u003c/span\u003e) and multiple embodied subjectivities (Braidotti, \u003cspan citationid=\"CR8\" class=\"CitationRef\"\u003e1993\u003c/span\u003e). These methods also allow for deeply buried experiences to get \u0026lsquo;out\u0026rsquo; and \u0026lsquo;down\u0026rsquo; on the body map (Orchard, \u003cspan citationid=\"CR59\" class=\"CitationRef\"\u003e2017\u003c/span\u003e). This is because the production of a life-sized body map, delineates the boundary between the corporeal body and the image or signifier, creating safe access to embodied memories (Malecki et al, \u003cspan citationid=\"CR53\" class=\"CitationRef\"\u003e2022\u003c/span\u003e).\u003c/p\u003e \u003cp\u003e We analysed and presented the data in three narrative master plot lines with eight subplots, representing participants embodied experiences and multiple shifting subjectivities. What follows is a theoretical discussion of these plot lines using a cultural phenomenological approach.\u003c/p\u003e \u003cp\u003eFor most participants, the meaning of running centres around a desire for transformation and a different way of being. For these people, running offered them a path towards a way of being perceived as more appealing and fulfilling. The search for an authentic self, from living inauthentically through discursively constructed cultural roles to do with parenting and family. Inauthenticity according to Heidegger refers to a way of being defined by social norms and cultural convention. While he describes this as both necessary and unavoidable, it can become unfitting and uncomfortable (Heidegger, \u003cspan citationid=\"CR34\" class=\"CitationRef\"\u003e1978\u003c/span\u003e). When an individual\u0026rsquo;s relation to oneself is silent in this way, the meaningful, personal relationship to the world is missing and has not been realized (Koski, \u003cspan citationid=\"CR44\" class=\"CitationRef\"\u003e2015\u003c/span\u003e). Through running, participants in this study discovered a different way of being. An exercise in search of authenticity, intentionality and of being present in the world (Merleau-Ponty, \u003cspan citationid=\"CR55\" class=\"CitationRef\"\u003e2012\u003c/span\u003e). When injured, this transformation towards authenticity is interrupted. From a way of being that (re)produces discursive notions of endurance and strength, participants revert to an overwhelming sense of liminality forcing them to confront their embodiment in nuanced ways. For some this means being pulled back to past pain and suffering while for others it provides an opportunity to reflect on what has been lost along the journey towards authenticity.\u003c/p\u003e \u003cp\u003eParticipants describe an experience of disappearing into socio cultural norms and caregiving roles. In an embodied sense, this reflects Leder\u0026rsquo;s conceptualisations of the (dis)appearing body (Leder, \u003cspan citationid=\"CR47\" class=\"CitationRef\"\u003e1990\u003c/span\u003e). The body-self backgrounded in the corporeal gestalt (Leder, \u003cspan citationid=\"CR47\" class=\"CitationRef\"\u003e1990\u003c/span\u003e) while other functions move to the foreground enabling participation in \u0026lsquo;doing\u0026rsquo; and caregiving roles. For some participants there is a suggestion of intentionality with this process, from bodies that have grown through pregnancy or weight gain becoming unfamiliar, to empty vessels bearing the scars of a former body full with life. Allowing the body to fade into the background is a way of neutralising the discomfort that comes from a body-self that is unfamiliar, uncomfortable, and undesirable. Injury confronts this process, bringing the body back to the foreground. While bodily self-awareness is pre-reflective (Merleau-Ponty, \u003cspan citationid=\"CR55\" class=\"CitationRef\"\u003e2012\u003c/span\u003e) allowing us to move our bodies during activities, the injured body disrupts the person\u0026rsquo;s mind-body-world relation. Not only is the injured body experienced as alien (Leder, \u003cspan citationid=\"CR47\" class=\"CitationRef\"\u003e1990\u003c/span\u003e; Sveneaus, 2015), the entire experience of their world shifts (Charmaz, \u003cspan citationid=\"CR13\" class=\"CitationRef\"\u003e1983\u003c/span\u003e) and becomes unfamiliar bringing forth past inauthentic and undesired ways of being.\u003c/p\u003e \u003cp\u003eThis corporeal unfamiliarity is experienced by nearly all participants as a type of betrayal. From a body that is indelible and unproblematic (Gadow, \u003cspan citationid=\"CR26\" class=\"CitationRef\"\u003e1982\u003c/span\u003e) and in a state of flow (Jackman et al, \u003cspan citationid=\"CR41\" class=\"CitationRef\"\u003e2021\u003c/span\u003e), to a jarring unfamiliarity marked by liminality and pain. Through the layering of images and drawings participants expressed being confronted with their embodiment in ways that were not discursively expressed through the interviews. The reflexivity permitted through visual storytelling allowed the participants to tell a different story (Boydell, \u003cspan citationid=\"CR7\" class=\"CitationRef\"\u003e2021\u003c/span\u003e), engaging in alternative corporeal subjectivities. This represented a point of divergence, as their narratives drew on discourses of endurance and strength and a desire to rebuild their failing body. A finding similar to the \u003cem\u003eResilience Narrative\u003c/em\u003e identified by Everard et al (\u003cspan citationid=\"CR20\" class=\"CitationRef\"\u003e2023\u003c/span\u003e) in their research with injured track athletes and aligned with Frank\u0026rsquo;s \u003cem\u003eRestitution Narrative\u003c/em\u003e (Frank, \u003cspan citationid=\"CR24\" class=\"CitationRef\"\u003e1995\u003c/span\u003e). Participant injury stories often became fixed on detailed journeys of repair and an unwavering desire to build an even stronger indelible body. As Koski (\u003cspan citationid=\"CR44\" class=\"CitationRef\"\u003e2015\u003c/span\u003e) suggests, the ultra-running body is an object-like pragmatic being which is thematized as the performer. The entrenched nature of this performance narrative creating a stifling context for other ways of approaching injury experiences (Everard et al, \u003cspan citationid=\"CR20\" class=\"CitationRef\"\u003e2023\u003c/span\u003e). The body-as-machine becomes a convenient metaphor in this context, with a mechanistic view of the body enabling medical discourse to offer solutions to a broken body (Black, \u003cspan citationid=\"CR6\" class=\"CitationRef\"\u003e2014\u003c/span\u003e). The machine metaphor also providing superhuman and desirable possibilities of endless youth and persisting strength.\u003c/p\u003e \u003cp\u003eWhile dominant narratives surrounding sport may restrict access to alternative narratives (Ronkainen et al, \u003cspan citationid=\"CR66\" class=\"CitationRef\"\u003e2016\u003c/span\u003e), individuals are not passive in positioning themselves in discourses. The site of subjectivity one occupies in a discourse can be ascribed to individuals, limiting their possibilities to certain conventions as to how to feel, think and behave (Foucault, 1983).\u003c/p\u003e \u003cp\u003eThere is a question as to whether discursive subjectivity was ascribed to participants in the present study. Specifically, body-mapping as co-creation meant that the first author shared their experiences of running in a purposeful way to share vulnerability and open meaningful and power leveling interactions (Orchard, \u003cspan citationid=\"CR59\" class=\"CitationRef\"\u003e2017\u003c/span\u003e). While this appeared to enable participants to open up and share their own experiences it may have restricted and ascribed subjectivity, causing participants to purposefully channel their performative narratives into dominant running discourses.\u003c/p\u003e \u003cp\u003eIn contrast, by emplacing their experiences onto their body map participants visual stories reflected a revolving story of the self (Everard et al, \u003cspan citationid=\"CR20\" class=\"CitationRef\"\u003e2023\u003c/span\u003e). Flickering experiences of pain, grief and loss, were layered with sharp and confronting representations of past trauma and suffering. Windows into former ways of being were positioned onto parts of the body where physical pain was located creating a fluid temporal shifting between current and past experiences of pain. While the verbal narratives seemed to adhere to dominant and performative athletic discourse, the body maps gave \u0026lsquo;voice\u0026rsquo; to hidden and inaccessible embodied experiences of pain and suffering.\u003c/p\u003e \u003cp\u003eWhile the body maps provided visual insights into temporal fluidity between the here and now, their verbal narratives became pre-occupied with an ageing awakening. A linear experience of time, leading towards a deteriorating body and eventual non-existence. According to Heidegger (\u003cspan citationid=\"CR34\" class=\"CitationRef\"\u003e1978\u003c/span\u003e) death is the most authentic human experience; an experience that allows humans to see their own existence on the basis of non-existence.\u003c/p\u003e \u003cp\u003eThe average age of participants in this study was 47yrs, with the oldest and most experienced being 57yrs. All were at a point in their lives where they were reflecting on former youthful selves from rearing children, to career changes and moving countries. It has been widely acknowledged that \u003cem\u003emidlife\u003c/em\u003e, occurring between the ages of 40\u0026ndash;60 presents an ambiguous status, an important transitional period when the practices that mark social identity in youth are challenged by Western culture (Schwaiger, \u003cspan citationid=\"CR71\" class=\"CitationRef\"\u003e2009\u003c/span\u003e; Gullette, \u003cspan citationid=\"CR30\" class=\"CitationRef\"\u003e1998\u003c/span\u003e). As a culture that valorises youthfulness, the visual signs of ageing are marks of disruption and the body\u0026rsquo;s failure to properly signify a gendered agelessness (Schwaiger, \u003cspan citationid=\"CR71\" class=\"CitationRef\"\u003e2009\u003c/span\u003e).\u003c/p\u003e \u003cp\u003eThe ageing medicalized body in this sense represents a dualistic determinism, with the body rendered in isolation from the self. Under this process, ageing can be experienced as an ominous signifier of helplessness and dependency (Paulson, \u003cspan citationid=\"CR61\" class=\"CitationRef\"\u003e2005\u003c/span\u003e). Participants in this study appeared to position their ageing bodies as adversaries subjected to the inevitability of deterioration and at some point, death. For one participant in particular flirting with death is a reminder of their existence and of a choice to overcome the inevitable. For these participants, running represents a way to resist biological ageing, producing a tension between the material body and embodied subjectivity (Featherstone \u0026amp; Hepworth et al, \u003cspan citationid=\"CR21\" class=\"CitationRef\"\u003e1991\u003c/span\u003e). This tension became foregrounded through injury. As their injury confronted them with an ageing body, participants responded in various ways. Some choosing to continue resisting the ageing process by focussing on a quick return to running, while for others, the tension forcing them to confront the inevitability of ageing with a corporeal awareness. For the latter, this awareness was met with loss and uncertainty throwing some into a chaos narrative (Frank, \u003cspan citationid=\"CR24\" class=\"CitationRef\"\u003e1995\u003c/span\u003e). In his narrative typology Frank refers to the Chaos narrative as a realisation that things are unlikely to improve or get better (Frank, \u003cspan citationid=\"CR24\" class=\"CitationRef\"\u003e1995\u003c/span\u003e). This anti-narrative of time without sequence was certainly observed when participants spoke about their experiences of injury. The injury experience characterised by temporal shifting and distortion, with the jarring Immediacy of their experience dominating the narrative. An experience also noted by Collinson in her research about the temporal dimensions of sporting injury (Allen Collinson, \u003cspan citationid=\"CR1\" class=\"CitationRef\"\u003e2003\u003c/span\u003e). However for the participants in this study, subjective experiences of \u003cem\u003echaos\u003c/em\u003e brought about by injury appear to be due (at least in part) to a corporeal awareness of ageing. Frank states that the person living in chaos cannot tell it in words (Frank, \u003cspan citationid=\"CR24\" class=\"CitationRef\"\u003e1995\u003c/span\u003e). As such, participants experiences of injury-related chaos were represented in their body maps through the use of bright and contrasting colours, and large dramatic free drawn lines and shapes over the top of each other suggesting a loss of control.\u003c/p\u003e \u003cp\u003eWhile the hope is that participants are able to exercise corporeal agency by somewhat embracing the ageing process, the question is whether this is possible given the normative enactments of age which perpetuate the status quo. According to Sullivan (\u003cspan citationid=\"CR77\" class=\"CitationRef\"\u003e2000\u003c/span\u003e), we can reconfigure our culture through the ways we embody it. Given the fact that participants were interviewed at the time of injury or shortly afterwards, it would be interesting to understand how this process evolves. Specifically, whether it holds promise for an alternative and ethically productive embodied understanding of old age (Schwaiger, \u003cspan citationid=\"CR71\" class=\"CitationRef\"\u003e2009\u003c/span\u003e).\u003c/p\u003e \u003cp\u003eIn this study we interviewed eight ultra-runners using a combination of semi-structured interviews and Body Mapping techniques. Analysis and results identified three master plot lines with eight subplots woven throughout each interview. To date, this is the first study to employ these techniques and theoretical analysis with ultra-runners.\u003c/p\u003e \u003cp\u003eThis study provides valuable insight into the shifting subjectivities of these athletes when confronted with injury. Drawn into discursive athletic performance narratives, participants were able to access different stories told through body maps. The jarring experience of injury forced most participants to confront their embodiment in various ways, producing multiple subjectivities to reflect the liminality and unfamiliarity of their experiences. Body mapping lends itself to the exploration of sensory and psychological experience (Boydell, \u003cspan citationid=\"CR7\" class=\"CitationRef\"\u003e2021\u003c/span\u003e), opening up creative spaces within which we were able to understand the experiences of being in the world for these participants (Orchard, \u003cspan citationid=\"CR59\" class=\"CitationRef\"\u003e2017\u003c/span\u003e). Participants embraced the opportunity to explore embodied experiences of liminality, uncertainty, grief and loss to come to the surface making visible the invisible (Boydell \u003cspan citationid=\"CR7\" class=\"CitationRef\"\u003e2021\u003c/span\u003e).\u003c/p\u003e \u003cp\u003eRunning occurs in space and place. Nearly all participants reflected on the themes of freedom and nature when running. Exploring ultra-runners embodied experiences of place was beyond the scope of this study, however could be a consideration for future research. Running bodies and notions of nature are suggested to be co-produced blurring the distinction between the social and natural (Howe \u0026amp; Morris \u003cspan citationid=\"CR40\" class=\"CitationRef\"\u003e2009\u003c/span\u003e). The ultra-runner\u0026rsquo;s relationship and \u0026lsquo;oneness\u0026rsquo; with nature, and whether this blurred distinction mediates their response to injury would be an interesting topic for future research.\u003c/p\u003e \u003cp\u003eFinally, participants in this study were all from Sydney, Australia with many moving to Australia from England. All were white middle-class athletes, representative of the neoliberalism often associated with the sport of ultra-running (Bridel et al, \u003cspan citationid=\"CR9\" class=\"CitationRef\"\u003e2016\u003c/span\u003e). Critically, much more research is needed to reflect the diversity of culture and conditions within this sport. Researchers should take this into consideration when designing future studies.\u003c/p\u003e"},{"header":"Declarations","content":"\u003cp\u003e\u003cu\u003eEthical Approval\u003c/u\u003e\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThis study was approved by the \u003cem\u003eHuman Research Ethics Committee at the University of Sydney, Australia\u003c/em\u003e in accordance with the National Statement on Ethical Conduct in Human Research (2007), Australian Government National Health and Medical Research Council. \u0026nbsp;\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cu\u003eCompeting Interests\u003c/u\u003e\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThe authors declare no competing interests.\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cu\u003eAuthor’s contributions\u003c/u\u003e\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eBoth authors contributed to the study conception and design. Material preparation and data collection was performed by the first author, analysis was performed by both authors. The first draft of the manuscript was written by the first author, with comments and feedback provided by the second author.\u0026nbsp;\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cu\u003eFunding\u003c/u\u003e\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eNot applicable\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cu\u003eAvailability of data and materials\u003c/u\u003e\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eData not available as participants did not provide written consent for their data to be shared publicly.\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cu\u003eConsent to Participate\u003c/u\u003e\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eAll participants provided written consent to participate in the study and were advised that they could withdraw their consent at any time. \u0026nbsp;\u003c/p\u003e"},{"header":"References","content":"\u003col\u003e\n \u003cli\u003eAllen Collinson, J. (2003). 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Available online: https://runrepeat.com/state-of-ultra-running\u003c/li\u003e\n \u003cli\u003eScarry, E. (1985). \u003cem\u003eThe Body in Pain: The Making and Unmaking of the World\u003c/em\u003e. Oxford, UK: Oxford University Press.\u003c/li\u003e\n \u003cli\u003eSchwaiger, E. (2009) Performing youth: ageing, ambiguity and bodily integrity. \u003cem\u003eSocial Identities\u0026nbsp;\u003c/em\u003e15(2); 273-284\u003c/li\u003e\n \u003cli\u003eScott, R., Cova, J., Cayla, V. (2017). Selling Pain to the Saturated Self.\u0026nbsp;\u003cem\u003eJournal of consumer Research.\u003c/em\u003e 44(1); 22\u0026ndash;43.\u003c/li\u003e\n \u003cli\u003eShilling, C. (2012) \u003cem\u003eThe Body and Social Theory\u003c/em\u003e. London, Sage Publications.\u003c/li\u003e\n \u003cli\u003eShogan, D. (1999). \u003cem\u003eThe Making of High Performance Athletes. 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A phenomenological analysis of bodily self-awareness in the experience of pain and pleasure: On dys-appearance and eu-appearance. \u003cem\u003eMedicine, Health Care and Philosophy\u003c/em\u003e 13(4); 333\u0026ndash;342.\u003c/li\u003e\n\u003c/ol\u003e"}],"fulltextSource":"","fullText":"","funders":[],"hasAdminPriorityOnWorkflow":false,"hasManuscriptDocX":true,"hasOptedInToPreprint":true,"hasPassedJournalQc":"","hasAnyPriority":false,"hideJournal":false,"highlight":"","institution":"","isAcceptedByJournal":true,"isAuthorSuppliedPdf":false,"isDeskRejected":"","isHiddenFromSearch":false,"isInQc":false,"isInWorkflow":false,"isPdf":false,"isPdfUpToDate":true,"isWithdrawnOrRetracted":false,"journal":{"display":true,"email":"
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