An Upside to Perceiving Disappointment in Close Relationships: Evidence for a Motivational, Relationship-promoting Role

Despite the longstanding interest in the role of emotions on romantic relationships, there has been scant attention to the function of disappointment. Using diverse methodologies (qualitative, quantitative, experimental) and large samples of married participants (N = 1396), the present work provides evidence that perceiving disappointment in one’s romantic partner enhances relationship-promoting motivations. In an exploratory phase, we used a qualitative, bottom-up approach to develop a framework that elucidates the affective, cognitive, and behavioral consequences of perceiving partner’s disappointment. Specifically, participants described a past event wherein their partner expressed disappointment, as well as their emotional reactions and construals of their partner’s intentions, and their motivation to change (Study 1). Most participants reported that they experienced negative emotions in response to their partner’s disappointment, but interestingly they also reported benign construals of their partner’s intentions (e.g., viewing partner’s expression as justified) and experiencing relationship-promoting motivations (e.g., changing the behavior that led to the partner’s disappointment). A descriptive, correlational study provided quantitative evidence for the beneficial consequences of perceiving partner’s disappointment (Study 2). Critically, in a theory-confirmation phase, three experiments (two pre-registered) provided strong causal evidence that perceiving partner’s disappointment boosts relationship-promoting motivations, compared to reflecting on an ordinary interaction with one’s partner (Study 3), and compared to perceiving partner’s anger, another negative emotional expression (Studies 4 and 5). Importantly, the beneficial consequences of perceiving disappointment were explained via benign construals of partners’ intentions (Studies 4 and 5). We discuss the social-functional implications of disappointment in the maintenance of close relationships.